Monday, December 26, 2011

Boxing Your Ears Day

Yes, They Are

When anyone says to you, "Oh, the Tea Partei Republicans aren't crazy," hand them this letter from current Big Iowa Favorite™ Ron Paul (via his campaign for the Rethug presidential candidacy), soliciting donations:
I have unmasked the plot for world government, world money, and world central banking... officials... wholly owned subsidiaries of the Trilateral Commission and the Council on Foreign Relations. The FEMA plan to suspend the Constitution...

I’ve been told not to talk, but these stooges don’t scare me. Threats or no threats, I’ve laid bare the coming race war in big cities. The federal-homosexual cover-up on AIDS ... The Bohemian Grove — perverted, pagan playground of the powerful. Skull & Bones: the demonic fraternity that includes George Bush and leftist Senator John Kerry, Congress’s Mr. New Honey. The Israeli lobby, which plays Congress like a cheap harmonica. And the Soviet-style “smartcard” the Justice Department has in mind for you..

... That’s why I must send you Surviving the New Money, the Ron Paul Investment Letter, and the Ron Paul Political Report... What’s a middle-class American to do? Gold? Silver? Platinum? Rare coins? Real estate? Gemstones? ... Some investments will protect you. Others are like walking into the IRS and saying, “Take me; I’m yours."

I fear there will be welfare riots in the big cities. Massive unemployment. The destruction of wealth. The erosion of personal liberties. Vicious economic controls. The exaltation of envy. The suppression of privacy. Authoritarian clamp-downs. Bank and S&L closings on a massive scale. A world dollar crisis...

Trouble is coming, and you must be prepared. Surviving the New Money, the Ron Paul Investment Letter and the Ron Paul Political Report will be your survival kit, and if you act now, you can get this $224 value for just $99 — 55% off!… For just $99, get all this wealth-saving intelligence...
Astronomical professionals are discovering new planets circling distant stars every day; can we give these loons a planet of their own? There may not be as much air as there is on Earth, but the first forty million dollars is tax-free. Sure to please the mutant freakshow nutjob libertarian on your post-ExMass list.

(NOTE: Sudden increases in weight have been reporter with conservatism. An uncontrollable desire to beat children for their own good, and to tell complete strangers about a world-wide conspiracy involving reptilian aliens, black helicopters, the United Nations or the Tri-Bilderburg Commission, non-caucasians, and [eventually; always] Jews, have been observed. If you experience headaches, sensitivity to light and a desire to consume the flesh of the living, try and communicate this to your doctor, or simply attack and eat them. The ability to support views that have no basis whatsoever in scientific fact or common sense, spontaneous diarrhea and hair loss, speckles, and Bonzeiger's Syndrome are common side affects with conservatism. Just so you know.)


No comments:

Post a Comment

Please feel free to thrill all humankind with the brilliance and importance of You. And forgo all civility (especially the passive-aggressive sort, aggression masquerading as mildness) . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

But, consider: Dogs have short attention spans, don't tolerate bullies, and we're notoriously thin-skinned -- so make sense, be brief, and play nice, or I'll bite you and pee on your leg. Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.