Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Your Money's No Good Here, Mr. Putin

Sad Vlad Doubles Down

There's something about the tragedy playing out in Ukraine since the Fall of last year -- and in particular the attitude of Sad Vlad, The Putin (who always, to me, seems sad; he is Sad Vlad) which reminds me of Kubrick's adaptation of Stephen King's The Shining.

A man finds a sense of belonging and place, self-justification and a measure of success, but only within a terrible illusion of evil and death -- one that ultimately consumes him: The image of Jack Torrance at the bar in the Gold Room at the Overlook Hotel, believing he's in the middle of a party and not realizing where he actually is -- or is not -- and what's coming. 
LLOYD:  Good evening, Mr. Putin.  (Leans forward) What'll it be?  

 PUTIN:  Hair of the bear what bit me, Lloyd!

 LLOYD:  Crimean Surprise; certainly.  How's everything going, Mr. Putin?

PUTIN:  Y'know, I don't understand it, Lloyd. I never laid a hand on their goddamned heads, those Ukrainian-whatevers. I love the little sons of bitches! There's not a goddamned thing I wouldn't do for 'em. And look how they treat me. 

LLOYD:  Ukrainians. You can't live with them, but you can't live without them. 

PUTIN:  Words of wisdom, Lloyd; words of wisdom.

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Please feel free to thrill all humankind with the brilliance and importance of You. And forgo all civility (especially the passive-aggressive sort, aggression masquerading as mildness) . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

But, consider: Dogs have short attention spans, don't tolerate bullies, and we're notoriously thin-skinned -- so make sense, be brief, and play nice, or I'll bite you and pee on your leg. Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.