Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Dujuan Downer

News You Will Not See

Word has reached Before Nine™:  That crazy Typhoon Dujuan has made landfall on the China coast, and has fallen into a Depression. 

We know what it's like.  And we are very sorry that it didn't work out.  Counseling and meds may help -- you're in The East; try some of that herbal stuff.

But, look: You competed well in the international meteorological arena.  Not every pitcher is a Don Drysdale; not every golfer is a Se Ri Pak; not every writer is a Donna Tartt and not every painter is a Rothko or an O'Keefe. Not every major weather system turns into a Katrina.  

You know? Just have to keep that perspective. 

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Please feel free to thrill all humankind with the brilliance and importance of You. And forgo all civility (especially the passive-aggressive sort, aggression masquerading as mildness) . . . you are, after all, anonymous.

But, consider: Dogs have short attention spans, don't tolerate bullies, and we're notoriously thin-skinned -- so make sense, be brief, and play nice, or I'll bite you and pee on your leg. Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark Bark.