Showing posts with label Verrückt Wie Ein Ballon Voller Ratten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Verrückt Wie Ein Ballon Voller Ratten. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Bitte; Schiessen Sie Mich

You Won't Hear This Discussed On 'Charlie Rose'



In college, someone once handed me a small glass of milk. I put it in my coffee. It wasn't bad. Then, they told me that they'd gotten it by milking a dog, which had been nursing puppies.

You know this shtick. Idiot screenwriters have built entire films around it: Lets-Get-This-Guy-To-[Fill In The Blank], Then Tell-Him-What's-Really-Happening, afterwards... Because witnessing that moment of dawning awareness, when their hand goes into the bag and touches the dead rat or fresh animal dung, really is the point, isn't it?



Well, I wasn't that upset. I finished my coffee. I am a Dog, after all. And, it was very good coffee.

But, this? This freaks me out, man. I mean, you can do this; and you could make cheese out of dog's milk, too -- though I wouldn't vouch for its quality when stacked up against even Safeway, vat-created, mass-processed "Monterey Jack" cheese.

Then, there's the question of methodology: How many dogs would you have to milk in order to obtain enough to actually make the cheese? And, how many breasts... well, you get the idea.

Man; that's Psycho Cheese, Qu'est Que C'est? / Fa fa fa fa / fa fa fa fa / better / Run run run run run run / run away...


Janet Leigh Brie: Don't Eat It In The Shower


Sunday, February 21, 2010

Stuff Out There

Dude; Where's My Spacecraft


Extraterrestrial Pere Ubu; Or, The Klan In Space
(Alien Captured On Someone's Cell Phone Video)

I rant and rave about the world's hereditary wealthy and that The Fix Is In ©; but, that's nothing. In an attempt to put our fingers on the truth behind how the world operates; to answer The Big Questions, many people are drawn to varying degrees of conspiracy theories. You go down the rabbit hole of the Intertubes, and don't be surprised at what you find.

For example: Did you know that we are all "soul cattle", and that Grey Aliens and "The Nordics" ( ! ) are battling it out in the skies above, over whether to guide us as carriers of souls, or harvest us for what we're dragging around?

Or, that 'The Elites' are preparing for a round of nuclear exchanges and bioweapon releases to eliminate 50% of the world's population, and ensure the worldwide rule of Caucasians of Northern European extraction?

And This is just the tip of the scary events coming. There are tons of things you need to know. Like how all kinds of ancient cultures have always known. Polar shift has happened before and so has global destruction. We aren't bigger than the universe! If Planet X Nibiru is going to come, they can't control what the solar system does to Earth.

Because ... it's all perfectly clear now - after being up all night thinking about it: Everyone is nothing more than a small captured 'piece of Light Being' in a bag of skin and bones. And, since light has both wave and particle functions, the expression of this duality in real life must be exemplified in the air conditioning conundrum. I hope this helps. Have a snick and think about it.

My God; if it wasn't "stayin in denial by being co-oppted by the Power Struktur", I'd say it's probably better that people be employed full-time.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

How The World Works

Daring Anyone To Be Surprised By This



Salon's Andrew Leonard posted a short piece in the vein of one of my favorite rants -- that America's extremely wealthy have done so very, very well, while the rest of us can live on Alpo -- if we can afford it -- for all they care.

Or, not: This useless level of human traif "doesn't give two fucks" (as Bela Lugosi [Martin Landau] in the film 'Ed Wood', noted) whether we live or die.



Leonard's post was prompted by another article, Tax Rates for Top 400 Earners Fall as Income Soars, from Tax.com, by David Cay Johnston (former tax reporter for the New York Times and a member of the faculty at Syracuse University College of Law). Apparently, Johnston noted, the top 400 families in America, "who boasted an average income of $344.8 million, paid an effective tax rate of 16.2 percent".

The long-term data show [Johnston said] that under current tax and economic rules, the incomes of the top earners rise when the economy expands and contract during recessions, only to rise again.

Their effective income tax rate fell to 16.62 percent, down more than half a percentage point from 17.17 percent in 2006, the new data show. That rate is lower than the typical effective income tax rate paid by Americans with incomes in the low six figures...


(An amount in the low six figures, incidentally, "is what each taxpayer in the top group earned in the first three hours of 2007. [emphasis added])

What this means is, on an annual income of $345,000,000 (rounded up, this was the median earnings of Our Elders And Betters), these, uh, people paid roughly $37,000,000 in taxes. Leaving them with Three Hundred and Eight Million Dollars (about $26,000,000 a month, or a net $162,500 per hour @ 20 working days/month).

Now, let's look at another income: A family of two, earning $71,000 in straight, wage income, will pay a roughly 33% tax rate -- or, about $23,400. Leaving them with roughly $47,500 (about $3,964 a month, or a net $24.77 per hour @ 20 working days/month).

What would be fairer; a Flat Tax? No; not at all. A progressive tax, with a 50% upper limit for the useless, parasitical, inbred scum? Well... that would be a good start...

But, all that wasn't the really fun part of the Salon article:

The annual top 400 report was first made public by the Clinton administration, but the George W. Bush administration shut down access to the report. Its release was resumed a year ago when President Obama took office.

Because you know
[Leonard said], if you are going to reward the richest Americans with tax cuts, it's best if you keep the rest of us in the dark as to just how much money they're making, and how little they are paying Uncle Sam.

This is an impressive crowd of the haves, and -- have mores.
[laughter] Some people call you the elite; I call ya my base.
-- George W. Bush, 2002



Saturday, January 30, 2010

Verrückt Wie Ein Ballon Voller Ratten



I'd like to inaugurate a new category here at Before Nine. And, an explanation is in order as to how it came about.

There are few phrases I've generated in my life that are wholly original, and that's probably true for most people. I'm not being paid, currently, to invent aphorisms or the telling bon mot that punctuates or underlines some expression of acerbic wit. I'd like to be; but, I'm not.

As brilliant as it gets for me is sitting around my tiny living room in my underwear, drinking coffee, and listening to Steve Roach's Immersion:Four at 9 o'clock in the morning. Your mind tends to drift with Roach's music, and I found myself considering that this week marked the thirtieth anniversary of my moving to The City By The Bay (it was actually on Thursday, the 28th).

In thinking about that, I had to shake my head (long, strange trip so far, man), and when I tried remembering what it felt like to be the Me who showed up here to take a new job, I shook my head again; Jesus; I felt like a balloon full of rats.


Rat Balloon, Used By Unions To Protest Hiring Practices
At Various Businesses In New York City (Photo: Gawker.com)

When I stopped laughing, I decided to apply this phrase to a new Blog category, wherein you can find the really really wacky stuff. We already have Tubby The Nutter Presents Whack Jobs On Parade, and When Buffoons Walked The Earth -- but, that's for stories involving people in the news, for the most part.

We all know individuals in our own lives, or see things going on in the day-to-day world, of manifest weirdness. Crazy, in fact. As crazy as... a balloon full of rats.

Bingo.