Hotter Than A Little Red Pistol

More Fukashima Daiichi Fun

The New York Times reports that any estimate of how long it will take to contain and begin 'cleanup operations' at Tokyo Electric Power Company's Fukushima Daiichi reactor complex is hampered by one critical factor: No one knows the exact conditions inside the four damaged reactors.

Think of it this way: You're a surgeon, dealing with what you know is a condition that could be fatal to the patient if not treated. Based on observed symptoms, you believe the best course of treatment is X.

But -- you only have a poor set of X-Rays to work with. CT scans and MRIs can't be performed. And some of the test result you have are suspect because equipment at the lab may be malfunctioning. You're making life-and-death decisions, based on incomplete data and your deductions of the state of the patient's internal organs -- not what you actually know them to be.

Oh, and to make it really interesting -- if you decide to perform exploratory surgery the patient's condition will mean that some or all of your surgical team will die. It's like an episode of "House", on Steroids.

And to make it really, really interesting -- some members of your diagnostic and surgical teams do not trust each other; some are withholding information about the patient; there is an atmosphere of suspicion, mistrust, and office politics.

What kind of an outcome do you think you'll get from that? Good? Bad? Evacuate central Japan and go for pizza for 25,000 years?

Nearly one month after Japan’s devastating nuclear accident... How much danger is still posed by the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant?

That depends to a considerable extent on how hot the uranium fuel rods at the power plant remain, and whether fuel has escaped its containment, or might still do so. Yet remarkably little is known for sure about what is really happening inside the reactors because some areas remain far too radioactive for workers to approach, and some instruments have malfunctioned...

The commission speculated this week that the nuclear fuel in the core of one of the stricken reactors had probably leaked from its thick steel pressure vessel, its most important protective barrier. If that proved to be accurate, it would raise the prospect of continuing fuel leaks and high levels of radioactive releases ...

But Japanese officials said there was no evidence of a compromised pressure vessel, and they wondered why they were reading about it in the newspapers.

“If they have a concern, they should inform us,” said Kentaro Morita of Japan’s nuclear regulatory body... after its American counterpart sounded the alarm over a possible nuclear fuel leak at the plant’s Reactor No. 2, clearly contradicting Japanese accounts...

Much of the automated measurement equipment in the reactors has been damaged, either by explosions in the early days of the crisis or by intense radiation since then. Damage to the reactors, as well as high radiation, has prevented technicians from making detailed assessments.

Looks like pizza for everyone on Honsho -- 25,000 years; leave note: "Gone for pizza -- back in April, 27,011". Simple!

Unless that's not an option.

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Shutdown, The Short-Form Version

It's plain that this isn't about spending cuts. It's about certain expenditures which a minority of the Rethugs don't like because they don't really like girls ('ecpt to have as servants and repositories of, uh, man-seed), and they are willing to do anything which makes clear just how willfully stupid, bigoted, and misogynistic they are.

All except for Lil' Michele Bachmann, who wants all the cuts and prays to be changed into a real, live boy, every night. Or, a toaster.

Jay Ackroyd at The Great Curmudgeon:

So what this "voodoo economics, with an extra dose of fantasy, and a large helping of mean-spiritedness" [Krugman] is really intended to be is an iteration of Bush's [Social Security] privatization plan--meant to have Mark Halperin et al force the Democrats to concede the principle that Medicare must be gutted, and then shift the discussion to one over the numerical details: the means test, the vouchers' value, and the allowable rate of increase of the vouchers. And do keep in mind that there is much sympathy among the Democratic elite for this approach, of moving seniors onto the insurance exchanges. Oh, and to permanently take taxing the top income decile off the table.

But, remember Speaker Pelosi. Atrios reminds us that her response to [Lil' Boots Bush's Social Security] privatization gambit was simple.

"Never. Is that good for you?"

As E.D. Kain points out, same here. There's no need to respond to this claptrap.

A lot of people are saying things like “The ball is in Obama’s court” and what-have-you. The problem is that the ball has never really left the Republican court. Until Republicans agree to tax increases, why should Democrats agree to spending cuts? Why should Democrats take Republicans seriously at all if Republicans are completely unwilling to repeal the Bush tax cuts?

No, the ball is still in the GOP’s court. When they come up with a serious proposal – when they realize that politics is the art of compromise – then we can say the ball is in Obama and the Democrats’ court. Until then, well, the math doesn’t work.

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We Regret That We Did Not Pay Off The Coppers Better

Fear and Ballast

Little Rupert Watches His Favorite Film, Leni Reifenstahl's
Tiumph Of The Will (Graphic By Mongo)

The New York Times reports that News International, the British newsprint publishing division of Little Rupert Murdoch’s oligarchy, apologized today for illegally intercepting the voicemails of a number of international celebrities. The illegal acts were performed by bottom-feeding suckerfish journalists at News International's News of the World tabloid. They also announced settlement payments to some of the victims of a total of twenty million Pounds ($32 Million US).

Earlier this week, the Times reported, two of the employees of a sociopathic right-wing scumbag and the embarrassment of all Australia journalists "were arrested, questioned and released on bail as part of a renewed criminal inquiry into the five-year-old case."

Some of the celebrities whose private communications had been hacked include (primarily British) actors and actresses; British politicians; and sports agents, designers and publicists whose voicemails would have come from clients (or lovers, or business partners, or family; even British Royals, who knows?) not yet named in British court.

This went on for years. Little Rupert's empire had quite the window into the private lives of Britons who were wired into the establishment and the arts; and that's a very small and interconnected group in England. Cheers!

The phone hacking scandal was consuming increasing amounts of corporate time and attention, and as more lawsuits were filed, it threatened to become increasingly expensive and damaging for the reputation of the company, part of Mr. Murdoch’s News Corporation empire.

The scandal has also engulfed Scotland Yard, which was criticized for what some critics called a lax original investigation in 2006 and for failing to inform all the victims of phone hacking by the News of the World. Scotland Yard, which reopened the investigation earlier this year, said on Friday that it had no comment on News International’s announcement.

The scandal also claimed the scalp of the newspaper’s editor, Andy Coulson, who left the newspaper after the hacking episode in 2007. He went on to become communications director for Prime Minister David Cameron. Mr. Coulson denied ever knowing of hacking under his editorship, but he was nonetheless forced to resign from his position in the Conservative government in January over the growing publicity for the scandal.

In its statement to the press, News International said, "It is now apparent that our previous inquiries failed to uncover important evidence and we acknowledge our actions then were not sufficiently robust." You can, in One Dog's Opinion, read that as Ahhh; them Politicos and Coppers jus' wouldn't stay bought.

For a scabrous piece of filth person of Rupert's ilk, $32M is just a cost of doing business; he'll make that back in a season of ad revenue from Fox sports. And, with a nod and a wink from Britain's conservative government, Little Rupert's poised to monopolize the UK's cable teevee soon, too -- where he intends to run the "liberal" BBC into the ground (with a nod and a wink from Britain's conservative government), just as Rightists in America would like to do to "liberal media " NPR and PBS.

With that terrible, liberal-dominated part of the media gone, people will just have to read or watch a News Corp subsidiary. They're so Fair; so Balanced. Yes, yes; thay have all that right-wing stuff -- but they have The Simpsons, too! They have Family Guy too! They're funny, huh.

And what about the accuracy of their broadcasts? Well... the truth is a pliable thing. Little Rupert could show you that -- and does, in fact, every day. Don't worry your little heads about it. Have a beer and watch that Bill O'Reilly.

So, does the "News Of The World" scandal mean that News Corp. will shortly release a statement, admitting its business model relies on the cynical manipulation of viewers and readers through deceit and fabrication, presented as "news" -- just to increase the personal wealth and political power of Little Rupert and his Issue?

Not Bloody Likely, Mate.

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Glenny's Ready For His Close-Up, Mr. Ailes

Strangely Long Trip, Its Been, Yes

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I am turnin' into a friggin' televangelist.
--Little Glenn Beck, Four Years Old, 2010

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It was announced today that Little Glenn Beck, who speaks for god and Goldline, will be leaving Fox's "Glenn Beck" for more multitudinous media outlets -- some with Fox, some not -- which will allow Glenn Beck to be more.... well; more of what he has shown himself to be.

It's amazing, isn't it? And, predictable, too: Little Glenny, less than a year ago the organizer and headliner of a Teabagger rally at the Lincoln Memorial (really, just an extension of his Poxed Network show); and now, Little Rupert and his Blimpy employee, Roger Ailes, have decided to part ways with The pudgy Beck Man.

What happened? Glenny misjudged the reality around him -- Er hat uns vermessen: (A)He believed his own press; and (B)Didn't understand that he was working in the entertainment business.

When Glenny was pulling in viewers, and before he began sounding like Robert Anton Wilson on steroids, Little Rupert and Roger The Dodger loved him. When his audience shrank, and advertisers (not eager to host a man who suggested that a Holocaust survivor had lived by being an opportunistic collaborator of the nazis, for example) dropped away, Glenny wasn't useful to Little Rupert any longer.

Big Roger also wasn't willing to treat him like a divinely-inspired diva -- which made Glenny sad, because aber natürlich it says in the bible, somewhere, that people are supposed to be nice to him and give him treats and listen with rapt attention to whatever pours out of his mouth.

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[Obama] has a deep-seated hatred for white people, or white culture; I don't know what it is with this guy...
--Little Glenn Beck, 2009

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The New York Times noted: "Mr. Beck is a hugely popular figure on Fox News, averaging 2.2 million viewers each weekday, though his ratings have fallen somewhat in the last year. He is beloved by his fans for speaking out against what he sees as threats from progressives, socialists and people he deems 'radicals.' His opponents — and there are many — condemn him for his conspiratorial views and apocalyptic predictions."

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That -- my little girl would -- would be forced to die if this [i.e., Healtcare legislation] passes -- (Breaks down crying)
--Little Glenn Beck, 2009 (?)

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What Digby Said:

Beck was the king of the Tea Party and the Powers That Be no longer find him useful. They need to tame their nutballs before 2012. Luckily for them, their nutballs are easily led, so it's probably not as much of a challenge as one might think.

Adieu,Beck: Your influence was great even if short lived. You brainwashed millions and made a fortune doing it. You are an All American success story.

What will he do now? Beck has carved out a niche for himself in the fringe landscape (only, as Little Rupert's fantasy machine keeps spewing misinformation into the world, that 'fringe' has slowly become the Right's 'mainstream'). He's followed the same business model as Lard Boy, O'Reilly, Mikey Weiner and Little Annie The Horse's Fanny. For a while, he will keep sucking up money on the Evangelical-Right Gravy Train.

He will continue his radio and teevee additions to the public vomitorium -- but like all has-beens, there's a point at which fewer and fewer people will tune in; while Glenny will always be respected by most Wingnuts, they'll want to see and hear the next big Right-Wing Commentator, and Glenny will have to make do as an "elder statesman" of the Right.

I predict an eventual faux run for political office a la Sarah Palin (except, there is that rumor which won't go away...), in a pathetic attempt to grab the limelight and show everyone: I am big -- it's the Media that got small!!

If he actually ran, it would end in defeat -- but he could keep people in suspense by founding a PAC, making coy remarks to the media; even a speech or two. That would keep the dollars rolling in -- because in the end, that's the point.

For the Little Sarahs, the Little Annies, and Lard Boys and Little Glennys of the world, it's all about being the center of attention; about being someone, and using their influence to settle personal scores -- and, about the money.

They don't believe much of what they say. Their lives and careers aren't any more nuanced or complex. They really are that pathetically narcissistic and simple.

Auf Nicht Wiedersehen, Glenny, you Nutter.

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The Revenge Of Reddy Kilowatt

Now You're Cookin'

Japan No. 2 Core Melted Through Reactor Vessel
by Roberta Rampton and Ayesha Rascoe - Reuters, April 6, 2011

The core at Japan's Fukushima nuclear reactor has melted through the reactor pressure vessel, Democratic Congressman Edward Markey told a hearing on the nuclear disaster on Wednesday.

"I have been informed by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission that the core of Unit Two has gotten so hot that part of it has probably melted through the reactor pressure vessel," said Markey, a prominent nuclear critic in the House of Representatives.

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U.S. Sees Array of New Threats at Japan’s Nuclear Plant
By JAMES GLANZ and WILLIAM J. BROAD - New York Times, April 6, 2011

United States government engineers sent to help with the crisis in Japan are warning that the troubled nuclear plant there is facing a wide array of fresh threats that could persist indefinitely... according to a confidential assessment prepared by the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

The confidential assessment was submitted to the NRC on March 26, and its concerns centered around "mounting stresses placed on the containment structures as they fill with radioactive cooling water, making them more vulnerable to rupture" in aftershocks which continue to occur after the earthquake of March 11.

It also "cites the possibility of explosions inside the containment structures due to the release of hydrogen and oxygen from seawater pumped into the reactors", which would lead to, well; stuff we don't want to think about. I stand by my earlier statement: It appears likely central Japan might want to go for pizza for 25,000 years.

...If the fuel continues to heat and melt because of ineffective cooling, some nuclear experts say, that could also leave a radioactive mass that could stay molten for an extended period...

[After reviewing the confidential report, David A. Lochbaum, director of the nuclear safety project at the Union of Concerned Scientists, said] “I thought they were, not out of the woods, but at least at the edge of the woods... This paints a very different picture, and suggests that things are a lot worse...”

My favorite part was where, as a result of hydrogen explosions at the Fukushima Daiichi reactor site after March 12, pieces of amazingly radioactive spent fuel were found blown (in one case) up to a mile away from the plant; in another, lying on the ground between two of the reactor buildings.

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UPDATE: As usual, "We express regret":

TOKYO (Reuters) - Japan stopped highly radioactive water leaking into the sea on Wednesday from a crippled nuclear plant and acknowledged it could have given more information to neighboring countries about contamination in the ocean.

..."The original amount of radioactivity is very low, and when you dilute this with a huge body of water, the final levels will be even lower than legal limits," said Pradip Deb, senior lecturer in Medical Radiations at the School of Medical Sciences, Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology University.

..."What they are going to have to release is likely to be highly radioactive. The situation could politically be very ugly in a week," said Murray Jennex at San Diego State University, who specializes in nuclear containment.

Nice.

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More Titanically Incredibly Bad Things

Le Systeme D

Radioactive Water At 5 Million Times Limit Found At Japan Plant

TOKYO (Reuters - Mayumi Negishi and Yoko Nishikawa) - The operator of Japan's crippled nuclear power plant said on Tuesday it had found water with 5 million times the legal limit of radioactivity as it struggles for a fourth week to contain the world's biggest nuclear disaster in quarter of a century...

...In desperation, engineers at the Fukushima Daiichi plant have turned to what are little more than home remedies to stem the flow of contaminated water. On Tuesday, they used "liquid glass" in the hope of plugging cracks in a leaking concrete pit.

"We tried pouring sawdust, newspaper and concrete mixtures into the side of the pit (leading to tunnels outside reactor No.2), but the mixture does not seem to be entering the cracks," said Hidehiko Nishiyama, deputy director-general of Japan's Nuclear and Industrial Safety Agency (NISA).

"We also still do not know how the highly contaminated water is seeping out of reactor No.2," said Nishiyama.

Newspaper?

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UPDATE: See the New York Times current update on conditions at all four reactors right here.

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And Bring The Kids

Japan to Release Low-Level Radioactive Water Into Ocean

New York Times, April 4, 2011: TOKYO — Tokyo Electric Power Company said Monday that it would release almost 11,500 tons of water contaminated with low levels of radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant into the Pacific Ocean as workers struggle to contain the increasing amounts of dangerous runoff resulting from efforts to cool the plant’s damaged reactors...

Over the weekend, workers resorted to desperate measures — including using sawdust and shredded newspaper — in an effort to stem a direct leak of an estimated seven tons an hour of radioactive water escaping from a pit near the reactor. [Note: Emphasis added]

Safely Contained Behind Bars, Leak Of Water Contaminated By
God Knows How Much Radioactivity Gushes Into, Well; Gosh;
Somewhere -- Free Samples At The Tourist Center! (TEPCO)

Workers have focused especially on trying to pump out highly radioactive water flooding the turbine building of the No. 2 reactor. But a facility at the plant designed to store and treat the radioactive water has already been filled with runoff in recent days, the company said.

To free up space, about 10,000 tons of less seriously contaminated water will soon be released into the sea from the facility, said Yukio Edano, the [Japanese government's] chief cabinet secretary. Tokyo Electric said it planned to begin dumping water in the ocean starting on Monday night in Japan, with a release of about 4,800 tons of water a day for two days.

[Note: 4,800 Tons of water equals approximately 1,150,000 U.S. Gallons; the total planned release will be three times that number.]

An additional 1,500 tons of radioactive water will also be released from the No. 5 and No. 6 reactors, after runoff was found flooding parts of their turbine buildings... Water from these reactors will be released 300 tons at a time over five days.

Le Show chien et le Petit cheval, Or, While A Dog-And-
Pony Show Is Entertaining, It Only Distracts From The True
State Of Affairs (Photo: Hund Und Pferd.org)

The Total release of 11,500 Tons of radioactive water is over seven million U.S. gallons. That's seven million gallon jugs of milk; 280,000 fillups of mid-sized cars at the pump (based on 25-gallon capacity tanks); or approximately 20,000,000 bottles (standard 750ml, of five-plus cups) of wine.

No wonder TEPCO releases its figures in tons -- it just looks smaller.

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Parasite And Host

Tea Partei and GOP: Government Shutdown Fun

(Based On The January, 1973 Cover Of National Lampoon)

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Welcome To Your Turn With Ed209

The world of the Intertubesverse is wondrous strange; and, in my treks out into the uncharted pixelated mindscape contained between http and .com /org/net/et. al, every once in a while I find something that makes me laugh. Like, a lot. Okay, uncontrollably, to the point where I have to ask others to intervene before I pass out from a lack of oxygen.

The last such find was Hyperbole And A Half -- Allie Brosh's Big Blog Of Your Guide To Modern Living. Ms. Brosh also helpfully provided a link to another site, from the world down Under -- land of Foster's, ANZAC Day, Little Rupert, and 'Knifey-Spooney'.

(Incidentally, I don't make jokes about ANZAC Day. It's been nearly a hundred years since all that, but whenever I hear "Abide with Me" it's the first thing I think of.)

This is 27b/6, a blog by Mr. David Thorne of Adelaide, South Australia, who appears to have a surfeit of Wit and a string to swing it with. Whenever he encounters a specimen of humanity, so thick that it can do nothing but take itself too seriously, he pulls their chain. Repeatedly.

Hee hee hee.

The action is captured and chronicled in a series of email exchanges between the said Mr. Thorne and the selfsame Specimens ... and while this is a recurring theme, that's just some of what the blog is about.

Ed, The Impartial And Courteous Robot, Mr. Thorne's Little Avatar.

Remember To Say "Please", Don't Be A Dick, And It Is Very Probable

You'll Leave Alive (Increase Your Chances By Purchasing A T-Shirt)

Here's a sample: Mr. Thorne, who works as a graphic and web designer, is contacted by a friend, Shannon, whose cat has disappeared.

She is sad, and wants her friend, the designer, to stop whatever he is doing as a paid professional and support her in her moment of existential crisis (if my cat can disappear anything can happen), vulnerability and doubt by making a "Have You Seen My Cat?" poster.

It helps to know that Mr. Thorne does not like cats. At all.

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Poster

Hi

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be [Letter Sized, 8.5 X 11 inches] and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks

Shan

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Mr. Thorne also provides helpful photos of each and every individual he pulls into his virtual tree mulcher encounters in his email adventures, so that we all may have a more complete vision of whom, exactly, he is in the process of "dealing with".

The Unsuspecting Shannon, Who Has Opened The Door (27b/6)

We've all seen films where the director shows us The Monster / Zombie / Thing Going Into The Room; the door closes behind it. Later, some character appears that we've seen before, already established as clueless or bad or disagreeable. They have no idea (as the audience does) that The Thing Is Just Behind The Door.

When the character opens that door (as they must), they pause -- doing something disagreeable, just to draw out the big moment where the camera focuses on their face as their eyes widen; then, the camera cuts away and we hear the inevitable roar, screaming, and big, wet crunching sound.

So at this time, we would request all readers of Before Nine to secure your harness and lap restraints, to bring your tray tables to their full, upright and locked position, and to ensure that your heads are resting comfortably against your seat's neck support in anticipation of acceleration.

This installment is entitled, Yeah thats not what I was looking for. Belt's not too tight, is it? Want a cigarette? A juice box? All righty, then; here we go:

FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk.

After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

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FROM: David Thorne
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

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FROM: David Thorne
TO: Shannon Walkley
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

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FROM: Shannon Walkley
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

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(Thorne is not a one-trick pony with his humor. Baiting rednecks and the clueless is good fun no matter what anyone says; and watching Thorne take it right to the edge with rude business owners, officious rule-tending property managers, and cops, is very much like watching Phillipe Petit walk across a tightrope stretched between the World Trade Center Towers in 1974: You might not have the cojones to do it yourself, but your glass is raised when he pulls it off: Cheers, mate.

While living for a time in that part of the good ole USA where Bears are a potential part of the furniture, Thorne was fined by his local constabulary for "leaving trash unsecured", where it might attract said Bears.

After a number of emails back and forth, Thorn sent them photos of a Bear, which he had seen in the woods, found in his car, and eventually sitting on the sofa in his apartment. Although not immediately evident, he said, ...the bear is sitting between myself and the television remote control, located on the cushion to its left. As this effectively cuts off my ability to change channels and The View just started, this should be classed as an emergency situation.

Intruder Alert: Bear More Interested In "Dancing With The Stars"

FROM: Patricia Jennings
TO: David Thorne
SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Bears

I wont be sending an officer because your not in any danger at all. You have obviously just put a blanket on a dog... If you want to express your opinion on trash collection rules you are welcome to attend the next MPOA community meeting which is held each month. Not understanding the importance of bear safety doesnt mean you dont have to follow the rules. I'm not even sure what your point is.

Ultimately, people like Patricia and Shannon have the gnawing feeling they've opened the door on -- well, something -- and before it comes out of the shadows and can be clearly seen they understand that they should just give it whatever it wants, back away, and close the door.

But (like Brosh), Thorne is a good writer; he's already proven himself as a satirist. He has a good sense of comic timing, and the pain thresholds for site visitors who laugh hard enough to herniate or wet themselves or end up begging their pets to hurt them so they can stop (I have some personal knowledge of this). There's Teh Funny hiding in just about everything on Thorne's site (including a Counter displaying 7,197,824 hits, but is in fact a random number generator).

27b/6 carries a standard disclaimer -- This website contains material for my amusement only, it says. ...Activities and vehicle modifications appearing or described on this site may be potentially dangerous. Unless the word sheep has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this disclaimer, it does not have any purpose and may be ignored.

Then, there's Thorne's version of being interviewed by the Legendary, Squinting, Ever-Expanding Oprah:

(Remember: Widescreen Videos Don't Really Fit On My Dog-

Sized Blog. Try Seeing It Here For The Full Experience)

It also has Ed The Robot, who seems nice, despite the heavy armament. And; hey, hey hey! Mr. Thorne has a book coming out on April 24th, compiling his email adventures in living, and even explains that the whole universe is a lot closer than we think. The Moon, for example, is only about 9 miles away, and about a mile and a half in diameter. Really. No, really.

(That said, I don't know why it took some satellite six years to go to Mercury just to take a bunch of photos. What did it do, stop off to have a drink? Take a sabbatical? Go to work for the Cylons? Impersonate an iPad; what?)

Incidentally; if you don't feel that any of the foregoing is funny in any way, please be aware that you may not have a sense of humor. Your exact species may be in question, and we recommend a trip to the Department Of Biology at any Institution of Higher Learning closest to you so that Real Professionals ( © ) can determine exactly what, if anything, you are.

Also, as a humor amputee you may be eligible for Federal subsidies, grants for the 'levity-challenged' (apply now, before Der Tea Partei removes these funding sources and force us all to live in yurts and lick the boots of our Betters). You may also receive a copy of the Home Game and other prizes.

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More Very Exceptionally Awful Bad Things

Reactor Pit Found Leaking Radioactive Water Into Sea

Future Postcard: Tourists On Eastern Japanese Beach Have 6.8
Minutes Of Fun And Cannot Ever Have X-Ray Or CTI Taken Again

The New York Times online reports that now, "highly radioactive water is leaking directly into the sea from a damaged pit near a crippled reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant".

The leak, found at a maintenance pit near the plant’s No. 2 reactor, is a fresh reminder of the dangerous side effects of the strategy to cool the reactors and spent fuel storage pools by pumping hundreds of tons of water a day into them. While much of that water has evaporated, a significant portion has also turned into runoff... Japanese authorities have said they have little choice at the moment, since the normal cooling systems at the plant are inoperable and more radiation would be released if the reactors were allowed to melt down fully or the rods caught fire.

TEPCO Worker Points To Crack In Wall Between Pool
Collecting Highly Radioactive Water And The Sea
(Photo: TEPCO, Via Agence France-Presse)

Workers are racing to drain the excess water, but they have struggled to figure out how to store it. On Saturday, some contaminated water was transferred into a barge to free up space in other tanks on land. A second barge also arrived.

“The more water they add, the more problems they are generating,” said Satoshi Sato, a consultant to the nuclear energy industry and a former engineer with General Electric. “It’s just a matter of time before the leaks into the ocean grow.”

Also, yesterday U.S. Energy Secretary Steven Chu reported that "roughly 70 percent of the core of one reactor at the crippled Fukushima nuclear plant" [Reactor No. 1] had suffered severe damage (that's "meltdown" to you and me).

Just so it's clear, the graphic that introduces this post is Gallows Humor: I don't consider this situation in the least funny. And, the TEPCO logo (their old one; the new logo looks something like a bizarre Mickey Mouse head) appears because, in one Dog's opinion, at the beginning of this crisis when every moment counted, the reticence and evasion of Tokyo Power Company officials to admit how bad it was and request help guaranteed the situation would become monstrously worse.

And sensitive as I am to the cultural differences between national groups, I don't care if the CEO of TEPCO weeps in public; he should resign, there should be public hearings, fines and jail time. But, Japan isn't America, and we can't expect the same level of punitive reaction and media frenzy. I'm not sure in this case if that's good, or bad.

It's an obvious point -- but for us, on the opposite side of the globe from Japan, our collective attitude towards the nuclear disaster is well, distanced. Unfortunately, the ecology of the planet isn't as compartmentalized as our normal human perceptions of events tends to be.

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