Saturday, May 28, 2011

At Night They Dream

New GOP Frontrunner Staggers Away With Nomination


The Old Guys who have run the Right Wing in America for generations are worried. There is no viable candidate who can both energize the Republican base and be a pliable figurehead for corporate interests and the Owner class, as Lil' Boots was; and hell, they think; he was one of those people.

They're worried, because there is no one to explain in simple terms to the people of America -- as Saint Ronald The Dim could do so well -- why Medicare should be destroyed in order to save it. And why privatizing Social Security is the best way for seniors to live a comfortable and secure retirement, and to give a 'vote of confidence' to America's financial sector, and future Treasury Secretary Lloyd Blankfein.

At night, the Old Guys drink a couple of scotches and fall into an uneasy sleep, where they see Mitt Romney being the best they can do in a field of candidates. They see raging Teabaggers, taking over the GOP and destroying the grip of The Old Guys on America's unwashed Conservative voters.

They dream on; the skies darken, and winged flying monkeys stream past overhead. They see Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin marching up Pennsylvania Avenue at the head of a Teabag Army (in the dreams of some of the Old Guys -- shame on them -- Little Sarah and Grand TurtleBear Bachmann have no clothes on).

Little Sarah and Grand TurtleBear Bachmann mount the Capitol steps and demand the Republican Party become the party of Vengeance, and Business, and God; and Ron Paul stands beside them to sing The 'Star-Spangled Banner', but instead does a rendition of I Just Want To Be Your Everything, sounding just like Andy Gibbs.

Zombified Reagan's First Press Conference; The Press Kept
At A Careful Distance After Biting-The-Cameraman Incident

Then, suddenly, just when they seem defeated -- news reaches The Old Guys that The Miracle has happened. The announce it to the crowd; Little Sarah crouches and backs away, hissing; Mittens' hopes are dashed. And no one pays attention to Grand TurtleBear Bachmann or Mister Paul, or Susan Angle or Jeb Bush, or the Teabaggers and Teabaguettes, any more.

Because Ronald Rayguns has dragged himself up from the cold, cold ground, and returned with a burning determination to lead America. And consume the flesh of the living -- and The Old Guys in their dream are already thinking, This is doable. We can work around that. It's not a deal-breaker; my god, this is Reagan, after all.


Lard Boy, "intellectual engine" of America's Right, jumped on the Reagan 2012 bandwagon as quickly as a fifteen-year-old Caribbean street urchin.
The leftist blogs are all chattering this morning about the return of Ronald Reagan -- came back, as we knew he would -- and all of them saying, 'He's Dead!' or, 'He's been President twice already, it's a violation of something!' or, 'He attacked a news cameraman and tried to eat him!'

Well, Goodness gracious. Aren't they all worried and upset? (Laughs) I've done a little research, and don't think that top people aren't looking at this question already -- but I believe there's a precedent here: Why can't you be President again if you've already died? Why doesn't that just wipe the slate clean? And if you believe in the future of this country -- do you agree with me? Of course you do.



And, there is the hastily-arranged initial press conference:
REPORTER: Um -- I don't know how to address you, sir, since former President Reagan is deceased...
ZOMBIE REAGAN: Unnngh arrrrrooo.
GOP SPOKESMAN: President Reagan thanks all of you for coming today, and is comfortable simply being addressed as, 'Mr. Reagan'.
ZOMBIE REAGAN: Naaah.
REPORTER: Mr. Reagan, there's been a great deal of speculation over the past twelve hours since your appearance about whether you are in fact announcing your canidacy for the Republican nomination for President in 2012.
ZOMBIE REAGAN: Annngh -- na -- na -- ARRRRRRRRRRR!
GOP SPOKESMAN: President Reagan is very excited -- please; don't do that, sir -- put your hands on the podium. Hands on the podium. First podium, then eat; remember?
ZOMBIE REAGAN: Unh.
GOP SPOKESMAN: Good, sir, good. President Reagan is very gratified at the warmth with which he's been received since his return, and excited to be part of the political process in America. That said, he believes it's a little premature to make any announcements at this time.
ZOMBIE REAGAN: Mohnnung Ee Amurka. Arooo.
GOP SPOKESMAN: Morning in America again; yes, sir.

More later on this dream-saga of The American Right.


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