Saturday, May 16, 2009

Aliens & Coo Hwhip: A Brian Griffin Kind Of Weekend

Family Guy - Episode 85, "Barely Legal": (12/17/2006) The Outrage Thus Far: Brian has been given a pie and a container of Cool Whip by Meg -- whose infatuation with him following a brief, drunken moment necking after a High School dance quickly turns to obsession, much to Brian's discomfort ("You know, Brian; I had no idea how flat and wide your tongue was").

Meg has baked some of her own hair into the pie ("That means some of me is in that pie, Brian -- that means some of me is inside you. Can you feel me? Can you feel me inside you, Brian?").

... but for now, The Set-Up For the Humorous Bit: Meg leaves; Stewie enters the living room, spots the tray with the pie, and the Cool Whip, and sits on the couch next to Brian.

Stewie: Ooh, some pie! Can I have a piece?
Brian: Uh -- okay.
Stewie: Ummm. Let me have some of that Coo Hwhip.
Brian: What'd you say?
Stewie: You can't have a pie without Coo Hwhip.
Brian: 'Coo Hwhip'?
Stewie: Coo Hwhip, yeah.
Brian: You mean, 'Cool Whip'.
Stewie: Yeah, Coo Hwhip.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Coo Hwhip.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Coo Hwhip.

Brian: You're saying it weird.
Why are you putting so much emphasis on the’H’ ?
Stewie: What are you talking about? I'm just saying it. Coo Hwhip. You put Coo Hwhip on pie. Pie tastes better with Coo Hwhip.
Brian: Say ‘Whip’.
Stewie: Whip.
Brian: Now say, ‘Cool Whip’.
Stewie: ‘Coo Hwhip’.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Coo Hwhip.
Brian: Cool Whip.
Stewie: Coo Hwhip.
Brian: Cool -- You're eating hair !!

Much as I like the antics of Family Guy, I suddenly remembered this broadcast episode (and so many others; this bit was nothing) is now part of the rich electronic heritage of our species -- a cloud of signals, expanding into the Cosmos at hundreds of thousands of miles an hour.

If alien civilizations are able to pick these broadcasts up, in deciphering our culture they will not know whether to give more weight to Brian's conversation with Stewie, or FDR's First Inauguration ("Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself") speech.

Any episode where Stewie tries to take over the Earth could mean the difference between aliens who decide to annihilate us just to end The threat of this tiny pink creature with the huge braincase, and aliens who think he's someone they could cut a deal with.

Problems could occur if they arrive and demand to speak with him. Alternatively, we could have problems if they appear and demand to speak with FDR:
"We wish to speak with the Franklin Roosevelt. Failure to allow us to do so will mean the elimination of your species. Oh, and several egg creams while we wait. And xeno-interspecies sex with Sandra Bullock. You know what they say -- 'Once you've had Zxgnarrgnnnn, you never go back' ."

So I was a little concerned -- but, how worried should we be? No aliens have contacted us (Yet. That we know about.); and, it's also true that when compared with the spewing of Michael Savage; Jim Lehrer's vegetative droning; anything having to do with Gossip Girl; or old episodes of Hee Haw, Brian and Stewie come off like a couple of Nobel laureates.

Plus, I like to laugh. I don't know about the aliens.

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