Tuesday, November 2, 2010

SILVIO! Berlusconi El Testa Di Cazzo Di Tutta l'Europa


Hey! You Pull My Finger, Eh? I Just-A Picked My Nose!

EPISODE MCMXXXVIX: Wherein Silvio Berlusconi, Primo Pene Oligarchio L'Italia and acknowledged from among all of Europe's leaders to be 'thinking with the tiny head' (not that this could be said of Angela Merkel!), has -- well, done it again. And again.

When we last left the hapless Oligarch, he had been rumored to be screwing escorting the 18-year-old daughter of a political contributor; to have hired bevies of prostitutes to attend private orgies parties at a villa Silvio! owns on the island of Sardinia (this resulted in one of them writing a tell-all autobiographico) -- yes, and there was a divorce action; accusations of money laundering for the Mafia (gasp!); even an attack by a force of nature as a huge cathedral smote the evildoer for his multitudinous sins (Shock! tableau!).


Silvio! Livin' Large In Sardinia (Photo: AP)

Ha Ha Ha! That Silvio! Now, he has used his position as El Papa Pene to obtain the release of Karima Keyek, a 17-year-old Morroccan girl from a jail in Milan, where she had been held after an arrest for theft. According to the UK Telegraph, 'Ruby' Karima said through her attorney that she had "attended dinners at Mr Berlusconi's private villa outside Milan, where she allegedly witnessed group sex games which the prime minister and his entourage nicknamed 'bunga-bunga' parties."


Kind Hearts And Coronets And Other Things Blown: Keyek, 17,
Heartthrob To The Oligarch (Photo: UK Telegraph)

Keyek had run away from her Moroccan parents, who live in Sicily, several years ago (when she was, what: Thirteen? Fourteen?) and had earned a living as a belly dancer and waitress and model and occasionally supplying sex for money as she tried to break into Italian television. Berlusconi, who dumped his first wife to marry a 24-year-old cabaret singer, has shown a penchant for bouncy-bouncy with showgirls.

Almost unbelievably, Berlusconi confirmed the claim that his office had obtained Karima's release. "I'm a kind-hearted person," He was quoted as saying. "I like to give help to people who are in need of it.. There was just a call made to find someone to take custody of a person that we all felt sorry for because she had told everyone a dramatic story that we gave credit to."

Or, maybe to keep a witness to the Bunga Bunga quiet? Karima did say that the 74-year-old Leader Of All Italy had promised her a Maserati.

However, no one should be surprised that Berlusconi admitted using his position as head of government to spring some bint outta gaol ensure the release of an underage girl who may or may not have had sex with him and his wealthy pals. Silvio has a history of bizarre and inflammatory remarks.

But, Ho Ho; BUNGA! Ha ha ha! That's our Silvio!

Salon reported today via Associated Press that Berlusconi's top adviser has hinted that, "after months of political crisis and personal scandal", the time for Silvio's government's may soon be up. Silvio! has insisted his coalition government would serve until its term expired in 2013. However, over this past weekend, Berlusconi's estranged one-time political ally, Gianfranco Fini, formally called on him to resign for the good of the country.


I Pick-a My Nose; Now I'm Gonna Flick It At You

"Fellow cabinet ministers insisted", AP reported, "that Gianni Letta, Berlusconi's right-hand man, was only joking Wednesday when he said the government's prospects 'seem in these hours to be narrowing not to years but to shorter periods and timeframes.' "