Thursday, June 2, 2011

Sale Away



As reported by Andy Newbold at Media Matters, Glenny Beck, former astrologer to the Stars, has shaken his 8-Ball Of The Future once again, and seen the triangular fortune All signs point to you're in overtime bob up in the little window. On today's broadcast of his syndicated radio show (all he has, after being, uh, "let go" by Little Rupert), Beck spoke of himself in near-biblical terms:
On his radio show today, Beck told his audience that he doesn't know why he has "been given the gift, the blessing, or the curse of being able to see slightly over the horizon." He went on to say that this "is not something that I take lightly" but that he is "grateful" for this ability. As if it wasn't obvious enough that Beck was declaring himself a prophet, Beck listed examples of his visions that have come true.

"I don't tell you these things [Beck said] -- and I don't have to say this to you -- I don't tell you these things because I am going to make money. I don't tell you these things for any other reason other than I believe them with everything in me... And it is my responsibility, just like it is your responsibility when you know something, to say something."
I know a lot of things, for a Dog, but I have the sense not to bark about them all, because sometimes I am wrong. Humor, not necessarily in the best of taste, is my shtick.

I'm not a foreign policy wonk or a financial analyst (not here, anyway); I'm not a cultural critic or prognosticator of the future. I don't believe what I have to say is earth-shaking or even particularly special. I'm enjoying myself when I make Teh Funny, and I've succeeded when it makes the four or five people who read these things laugh. I'm only in it for the Entropy, folks.

Glenny, on the other hand, does think he has earth-shaking and very serious things to say. In fact, he appears to believe he's exactly what he's occasionally alluded to in nearly three years of appearances on Little Rupert's Fox -- divinely inspired, a clarion for the nation to lead them to a bright future. A golden future, you might say (heh). In short, A Prophet For Our Times.

And he's truly proven that he can see more clearly, and farther, than mortal man with unaided vision. Hasn't he? Newbold went on to list some of Glenny's prior predictions, all of which have so too come true:
  • Beck floated August 22, 2006, as a possible date for Armageddon;
  • America's "Weimar moment" is coming on November 3, 2009;
  • Protests scheduled for February 26, 2011, may lead to global unrest;
  • March 31, 2011, might be Day One of the new Islamic order in the United States;
  • Beck predicted the perfect storm was arriving (eight separate times)
  • Beck has said the "Archduke Ferdinand Moment" may be here (seven separate times)
  • In October 2010, Beck said there was a "77 percent chance of a [stock market] crash within the next 30 days," the second time he had predicted such a crash within a couple of months.
Think about it: There are very few public crazies on the Left. Only on the Right do you find people who combine the faith of an Erich-Fromm-style True Believer with an amazing sensitivity to personal criticism, and the serious desperation of a Kirby door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman -- Coulter, Malkin; Mikey Wiener, Lard Boy; Bill Kristol, Davy Brooks; Krauthammer!; the list is long. When their worldview is seriously challenged, when their credentials as serious Wingnuts are put in question, they begin to melt down.

Sometimes, they have enough sense to muzzle their desire to spew Crazy all over everything -- but sometimes, they just can't help themselves, because the Crazy is integral to their shtick. As is the case with Beck.

So, with his departure from Fox looming, Glenny joins the crowd of conservative social critics scheming for just five more minutes on the stage of world recognition to prove to themselves (since that is what this is all about) that they are too relevant, before their careers head for the remainder sale bin along with the Elizabeth Gilbert self-help videos and selections from Oprah's book club.

Auf nicht Wiedersehen, already, Glenny; you nutter.


No comments:

Post a Comment