Tuesday, January 20, 2015

It's Amazing At The Grit You Can Come Back From When You Have To

Livebogging the SOTU, Again

(Courtesy That Invasive Google Street View Van)

(In Davos, the drinking game for watching the SOTU is, "Every time this idiot says, 'I believe America _____', then we have shots of Japanese single-malt, 20 years old, at $900 a glass ! We've already bought most of the politicians in that room, so who cares what he wants?")

6:20 PM PDST -- (The Rethugs sit, hands folded, as the Democrats cheer.They are solemn. They are dressed in housecoats, jeans and windbreakers, like they don't plan to stay long. One is wearing a Chicken hat. Okay; maybe not.)

Everyone can drive fuel-inefficient vehicles because gasoline is so cheap. $750 saved at the pump. "That's real, people (wink)". I will mention 'the economy' 28 times tonight and 'work' 35 times. 

 But it is all about Middle-Class economics. There's this couple who wrote me a letter -- "We're a tough family that has gritty times", or something like that. "It's amazing the shit you have to put up with every day." The usual. And they were this couple falling in love; O to be young and in love in America. 

6:32 PM PDST -- President Boner remains seated on the podium wile Joe Biden stands to applaud The Guy. Why? Hemorrhoids bothering him?

6:33 PM PDST -- Let's make community colleges free to all, so they can learn a skill, be hired by a company which is the property of rich Owners. This helps the Middle Class in some way.

"To every CEO in America, let me repeat: You want to hire somebody who will get the job done and do the job right -- hire a veteran."

It's not the job of government to make everyone better financially. So we must have good jobs at good wages. America has put more people back to work than Eurp and Evr'ybody. We want jobs here in America.

21st century businesses need to sell more 'Muraka overseas, but Chinee wants to write the rules. We should write the rules, and The Guy wants Trade Rules -- that will rully keep Chinese hackers and thieves of intellectual property in their place. And cyberbullies.

6:39 PM PDST -- I want America that was first in so many things to be first in other things. "I intend to protect a free and open Internet" so the next generations of entrepreneurs can flourish -- because that creates jobs. And -- Mars, Bitches!

6:45 PM PDST -- Tonight I ask this Congress to authorize force against Ruh-Roh bad people (tiny applause). Last year, as we were doing the hard work of imposing sanctions, Mr. Putin's  aggressive stance was looked at as a masterstroke, now Sad Vlad's fucked (Right; tell that to the Ukrainian troops around the airport).

6:39 PM PDST --As his Holiness, Pope Francis, has said, "Step Small". We are overjoyed Alan is home, and that generations of wealthy families yet unborn will return to the Jewel of the Caribbean as their private playground.

 Obligatory Cute Larger Animal Photo In Middle Of SOTU

And, don't alienate America from people and things to sanction Iran again, so I'll vote "no". Americans expect us to go to war as a last retort -- no foreign powers should be allowed to cyber-screw with us, especially our kids -- who may be hackers themselves; we don't know! But our children's information is bipartisan. Think of the children, generations of consumers who will pay money to the folks what bought us.

6:39 PM PDST --  Ebola, like a small round ball, has been rolled back, We must invest and eradicate, as we make sure other nations play by the rules -- this is just like the old days when people cared about what the U.S. said and don't anymore.

2014 was the warmest year on the planet and some people are going to Dodge. I'm not a scientist, but the best ones in the world say unless we act strongly, the Pentagon will look at national security. We've done more to act in favor of the environment; that's why we like the idea of cheap oil and gas.

In Beijing we made a dramatic announcement about the environment -- we will be good, and the Chinese will promise to think about considering doing something too maybe.

6:57 PM PDST -- As Americans we have prohibited torture and used drones only when there are women and lesbians and political prisoners to be defended -- and this will make us safer.  It's time to close Gitmo because I said so, long ago.

While some have moved on about our surveillance programs, but not me. We will keep our country safe while protecting and leading with the example of our values. We must keep striving to hold on to ourselves and the highest of standards.

I still believe in long odds. Over and over, I have seen the hopeful graduates and at West Point and mourned in Boston and have watched Americans beat back adversity. I've seen 7 of 10 of us be legal.

7:05 PM PDST -- So I know the good, big-hearted generosity of the American people. How can we better reflect the Americans? I know many of you are on both sides of what you signed up for. Imagine if you weren't selfish, narrow, bigoted and fearful politicos, and instead were as rich as the people who buy you.  We can stay in the gutter or pull young people around.

If we're going to have are guments, let's have guments. Shirley can see something of ourselves in all we uphold as a nation of immigrant laws. I've talked to Rethugs and Demos about that and the right to vote is sacred. And hey, we're officially overtime.

For the first time, the crime rate has come down to protecting and serving all of us. (Applause). That's a better politics. It's what the American people deserve.

I have no more campaign strategies -- I know, 'cause I won both of 'em (laughter).  My only agenda is the only one I have, which is if you disagree with parts of it, I hope you'll work with me -- because I didn't learn from the last time you bait-and-switched me and lied and allowed the Tea Partei to lead and I was sad. And President Boner's hairpiece.

But, you know.  Middle Class economics!

7:10 PM PDST --I want our actions to tell children in America to know we are a people who see our differences in every citizen, black and white, gay, and mental; everybody -- we still know we are more than a collection of red stakes and blue steaks. That we are the United States Of America.

I want them to grow up where a political aide can bring an amazing story from a woman's letter as the place where this speech jumped off and may have gotten badly obscured, because we winged it -- "We are a strong, tight-knit family who have made it through some pretty hard times.. It's amazing what you can bounce back from when you have to". Speak Englich, troop!

We have picked ourselves up and laid a new foundation. A new chapter to work, right now.  I feel your pain, and the Rethugs have picked some Person to deliver their narcissistic response to my vision of The Good.

God Blez you, and Gobbelz 'th United States of America. You've been a tough house.

The Rethug Response

Joanie Ernst (R - Tea Parteish): On The Importance Of Being Ernst

Rather than respond to the President, I'm going to say in a Chamber Of Commerce way how great the Republican Congress is and the Republican Congress feels your pain in that little way it does, and let me tell you about that small town in Iowa, where I worked construction and was raised to be in the Republican Congress.

You see, when growing up, I wore bags on my shoes along with young Iowans who worked hard, and many families today feel they're working harder and getting less of those bags. We see the hurt, in the Republican Congress -- in cancelled health care plans and everyone more fearful. And less bags. America is hurting -- but when the Republican Congress demanded, there were failed plans like Obamacare.

The Republican Congress will make Congress function again. We want the Keystone "Jobs" bill -- the President, despite being wrong, hasn't done it. It will have minimal environmental damage. Will he sign a bill, or block good American jobs? Let's go over there to Eurp so the Republican Congress can boost simplified tax codes for the well-connected -- flat tax!  Flat tax! Tax the rich even less and all boats will rise, all bags will float!

Obligatory Cute Small Animal Photo In Middle Of Blog Whatever

We're calling on the President now in the Republican Congress. Some of it will occur where I stand tonight, in my Republican cloth coat, mispronouncing 'Al Qaeda', and our hearts can only imagine the two decades I spent in the Iowa National Garde. The innocent are not comprehensive in the Republican Congress.

Bonus Marchers must be prevented by the Republican Congress. The Republican Congress will address things and mail them to unknown places so no one will ever see them again. We will replace a healthcare law that has hurt so many HMOs. We'll do everything! We'll defend and protect because we in the Republican Congress measure our society with coffee-spoons.

America faces big challenges, but look at my parents, who had dirt to call their own. They sacrificed -- and now I am here, truly extraordinary. You just need the freedom to dream big and hard work -- the Republican Congress will do that dirt, with little help from the President. And I can't shut up, I must go on about this great nation and it's veterans and women and the Republican Congress. Thank you thank you thank you.

Republican Congress. You elected us (Smiles).


  1. when gurdjieff was asked what the results of inner work and the development of man would be, he said, “everything more vivid.”


    1. So... Dick Cheney and Justin Bieber and the fading colors in the Rothko paintings at the Harvard Club will be even more sharply defined and "vivid"? Aieeee.