Watching The Eclipse In China Through 3-D Glasses Formerly Used In 1950's American Horror Films; Woman (At Right) Now Sells Pencils In Beijing. Poodle (At Left) is a Running, not a Helping, dog. (Photo: Newscom - ChinaFoto/Wu Huang)
Today, generous portions of China were treated to one of the 68 Total Eclipses of the Sun that will take place during the 21st century. Large Poodles, and women in brightly-colored shirts with phrases printed on them in English, enjoyed six minutes of Darkness At Noon -- rather ironic, given that "Pin The Tail On The Tank" and "Tibet Is Ours!" are the two favorite games in the People's Fun Republic Of Chuckles.
If past eclipses are any guide, frogs began croaking, certain flowers began to close; Benjamin Button went out to his Daddy's house on The Lake to sit on the dock; and Rush Limbaugh was able to appear on the street for a few moments to buy a few dozen more doughnuts, without fear of being reduced to a charred shell by sunlight.
The Total Eclipse on November 13, 2012 (the last one before the end of the world that December, as foretold by the Mayan Long Count Calendar, and a Bazooka Bubble Gum wrapper I kept from 1962) will only best be seen from a spot in the middle of the South Atlantic. So, if you're in a boat at Latitude 39.9294° S, 161.3013° W on that date, boy, will you be in for a treat.
Of course, if the End Of The World™ in late December, 2012, turns out to be a bunch of Hooey, the next Total Eclipse observable in North America will be on August 21, 2017. The best place on the continent to view it will be Hopkinsville, Kentucky, birthplace of Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederacy during "The Unpleasantness" of 1861-1865; and the birthplace of Anthony Hopkins, actor, composer, raconteur and cannibal, for whom the town is now named (Prior to Hopkin's success as an actor, the town was named Mortimer, Kentucky).
So, you have eight years in which to uproot your entire life and move to beautiful Hopkinsville, to enjoy approximately two minutes of a Total Solar Eclipse. After that, your life will all be downhill, won't it?
Before Nine borrows freely from the panoply of images and writing that appear on the Intertubes. As a Dog, I can't really afford usage fees for some of this material -- however, I believe it's not only fair but important to be recognized for your work.
As a result, with images, Before Nine will provide attributions for the photographer and or news agencies who distributed them, where possible (However, at times even the most diligent search of Blogtopia does not yield this information). The same for excerpts of written material, where the names of authors will be listed, and links provided.
If you feel that there has somehow been unfair use of your photograph(s) or writing; or, if you're just thin-skinned and have hurt Fee-Fees that an awful anonymous Blogger (and masquerading as a Dog!) has been mean to you, we'll be happy to consider your Request / Veiled Sociopathic Threat to remove them, and not use additional material of yours in future.
If I'm not happy about it, I'll bite you and pee on your leg.
WHAT'S IN HERE
Ingredients: ALL NATURAL Water, glycerin, behenyl alcohol, cetyl alcohol, barely legal minimum age Butosylmonal (or any available) alcohol; vodka, silica; full spousal support alimony glutosides, penyl trimethicone, niacinamide, Regis Philbicide, duck-o-lyne, potassium cetyl phosphate, retinyl palmitate, Rheinish Palitinate, Thurn-und-Taxis palmitoyl tripeptide-3, beta-glucan, sodium hyaluronate, arginine, The White Album, Bungchau Offal bark extract; JoyJoy Esther Williams squeezings, butyrospermum Here Comes Sparky!; coffee, Gung-Ho seed, HOO-AHH Big Powder, Intubular glucosyl membrane fixative (now with 63% more Love), WD-45 hydroxyethyl acryloyldimethyl tautaurate copolymer FETANG ANG ANG ANG; Paraffin, generous helpings; empathetic understanding; small animal residue (tetramethyl hydroxy-piperdino); hexylene glycol, phenoxyethanol, chlorphenesin, caprylyl glycol, mica (ci 77019), titanium dioxide (ci 77891), choice sweepings; NAR NAR NAR and the full faith and credit of the government of the United States of America and Long May She Wave; with a twist of lemon, please.
Make absolutely certain your sense of humor is fully engaged prior to using Before Nine. I am not responsible for your level of consciousness or documented ability to subjectively perceive stuff. Got that? Swell. Comfy now? Want a treat? A Juice Box? A cigarette? Well okay then.
Some of us who write stuff just can't leave it alone. As a result, text sections which have been altered or added after initial posting will be highlighted in red, so the whole world will know. So glad we got that clear. Nu?