Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Trouble With Harry: Still Here, Too

World Does Not End; Chtulu Unimpressed

You may recall that this past May 21st, Harold Camping, the 89-year-old leader of the Orthogontal Tirebiter Church Of Chtulu's CheeseWhiz (okay; we made that up, but only a little), was "flabbergasted" that his prediction of the Xtian Rapture and beginning of the end of the world as foretold in the Big Book Of Revelations did not occur on that day.

Camping had originally predicted The Same in 1994; when it did not happen, he went back to his Magic Decoder Ring and found he had been off by seventeen years (Professor Frink: "Hu-HAH! Ahhh; forgot to carry the one").

Through a network of xtian radio stations he owns, Harry spent the next 17 years spreading the Bad News that the world was ending, and that people had better Get Right with god -- because after May 21, 2011, no plea for forgiveness would be answered, and the vast majority of humanity would burn burn burn burn burn forever, and the rest would praise praise sing sing praise the all-loving god amen.

The end did not come in May. Many people, who had sold their possessions and stopped making rent or house payments, were a little peeved. So were others who had sent Harry a lot of money over the past seventeen years. Harry was "flabbergasted"; going back to his Magic Decoder Ring, he told The Faithful that he had been slightly off: "And Moab went down to the Land Of The Canaanites and there was this other thing, and the hey hey hey, and the other thing and Hoooo, boy; are we overtime".

Sadly, on June 9th, Camping had a small stroke, but has recovered to a degree since.

According to Harry, the Rapture had taken place -- but, it was invisible. And, contrary to a whole bunch of scriptural interpretation, the world would just end in fire and Badness on October 21, 2011. Period. The end; no more discussion, or Jiff Peanut Butter, or next week's G20 conference, or naughty thoughts about the girl in the taco commercial. Or, naughty thoughts about the G20 (yeah; they have sites like this).
[The Rapture had been] of the spiritual variety, rather than his original vision of earthquakes and other disasters leading to five months of hell on earth, culminating in a spectacular doomsday on Oct. 21.
And, we're still here. The End would have required something on the order of a full-on thermonuclear exchange between Russia, China, the United States and all the nuclear EU nations -- or, Ronald Reagan's reappearance to become the Right's presidential candidate. Camping had said the Bad People would just expire, leaving the world, presumably, to the Chosen Few:
[In a recent radio broadcast] The tone of his message is more mild than his previous declaration. Shying away from talk of wrath and judgment, he says “the end is going to come very, very quietly probably within the next month . . . by October 21. Probably there will be no pain suffered by anyone because of their rebellion against God...” he said. “We can become more and more sure that they’ll quietly die and that will be the end of their story.”
The Chosen Few would presumably, however, have had to dispose of the rest of us -- before we began to smell up the planet and spoil all the praise singing and hosannas, thanking a merciful god that so many billions of hated liberals and foreign-types and terrorist blasphemers were killed... so that the world was given to them, the "Righteous Ones".

This sounds like a bad, made-for-teevee-movie starring Bert Convy, Garner Ted Armstrong, and "Mr. T". With that, we invite you to enjoy your weekend, brought to you courtesy of the Enlightenment™, and Scientific Proofs ©.

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