Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Reprint Heaven: Justa Guy From Jersey

At Last Their Love Has Come Along 
(This, from October, 2011. Strange how 2015 all seems like a weird kind of replay of the 2012 season, doesn't it?)
(From October, 2011) In Future, All Presidential Press Conferences Will Be Held
Outside George Washington Hospital's ER. Just In Case.

"Those pushing Mr. Christie to run include the media mogul Rupert Murdoch, former Secretary of State Henry A. Kissinger, Nancy Reagan and the conservative columnist William Kristol. If the odds of a campaign were very low just weeks ago, they are increasing."
("Christie Team Assessing How Fast a 2012 Campaign Could Be Mounted", New York Times)

[In 2011] The Rethug Leadership, and the Big Money behind them, have looked at their pack of GOP presidential candidates:

The Mittens is seen as a mock-pseudo-crypto-quasi christian by Real christians (Read: We Conservative Evangelicals Will Never Allow Some Apostate Cult Member A Mormon To Be Elected), and isn't very exciting;  

Crazy Lady Grand TurtleBear Bachmann of the Church of I Kill You! and Le Gouvernor Placard Mssr. Perry have crashed and burned, because they say manifestly stupid things and are mentally ill;

Newt (" Rockin', No Knockin' ") Gingrich is too overly intellectual for the, uh, average Republican, and is too busy looking for the next Mrs. Gingrich he'll have to marry.

Herman Cain is Waaaaaay Overtime, and John Huntsman might be sane, but that may be why Herman is watched as entertainment and John can't find traction with the, uh, average Republican -- plus, Huntsman is (cough cough) one of Them, too (We mean Mormons. See "Mittens", above);  

Ron Paul looks like Don Knotts in Three's Company and is close to crazy;  

Mike Huckabee is mentally ill too; Crazy Moose Lady Little Sarah, Straight 'n Tall, is crazy, but knows being President would put a stop to her 'Little Sarah Brand'™ Money Machine, once and for all.

And, The Donald can't get the Weasel That Lives On His Head to agree that they should run. So there you are.
We're Whalers On The Moon. We Carry A Harpoon.
Who's left? Who can you "sell" to the Tea Partei brownshirts as well as the Joe Sixpack Average Republicans? Who do The Koch Brothers and Harold Simmons and Addled Sheldon and Little Rupert Murdoch see as the figurehead for their personal agendas? That they will put their personal power (most importantly, huge sums of money) behind?

How about a man who talks like a dock worker -- no-nonsense, spade's-a-spade, You-could-have-a-beer-wit'-this-Guy. Looks just the guy next door. Sweats like you. Got a weight problem like you. Probably whipped like you, too, Bud.

Not like that over-educated uppity illegitimate leader Negra up th' White House what thinks he's the Pres-o-dent. Think you could have a beer with that Socialist Kenyan? No way, pal.

No -- Chris Christie Is One Of You Unwashed Ignorant Peasants. Of course you'll vote for him.

And the sad thing is, politics being what they are -- the members of both parties doing everything they can to provide America's wealthy with The Soft and The Nice, and Treats, and Safety Nets -- and vote-rigging being what it is; The Powers That Be may decide hey; our money's on The Fat Boy.


Because ultimately, elections aren't about reality -- not for these people. For the Rethugs, it's not about adult debate on the directions to take with issues that threaten the species, or about ensuring stability and prosperity for all Americans, as opposed to greed and short-term gains.

It's about selling a product, so that the Gravy Train for the Few can continue without a hiccup. Like Little Rupert, they treat their "political consumers" with contempt: Just give us your Money votes; accept whatever we decide to tell you; shut up, don't talk back; and stay out of our Business. You don't like it? We'll run right over ya.

And, with an Oligarch, two unindicted war criminals, and the widow of the Zombie Candidate For President all saying, Run, Fat Man, Run -- well, if not the Best, why not the Biggest?

Lard Boy will love the idea, I'm sure.



MEHR MIT DER DICKE AUS NEUES JERSEY [Again, From 2011]:
Associated Press / MANCHESTER, New Hampshire (AP), [October 2011] — Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry said Saturday that he is open to sending American troops to Mexico to help battle drug cartels.

Perry, the Texas governor, likened the situation to Colombia, where the government accepted American military support in battling drug trafficking. Mexico's government, however, has been opposed to foreign forces in its territory.

Perry saids the current violence may require similar military action.

"It may require our military in Mexico working in concert with them to kill these drug cartels and keep them off of our borders," he said.