Thursday, January 14, 2016

Greg Stillson Neglects To Report Campaign 'Loan'

Doing God's Will (Well, Somebody's God, Anyway)

The New York Times reports that Greg Stillson (R - Canada), candydate for the Republican nomination as Empty Suit Front Man For The Owner Class™, has hidden failed to report as much as a $500K 'loan' arranged by the investment firm, Goldman-Sachs, which may have found its way into the coffers of his previous campaign for the U.S. Senate, raising questions about Stillson's ethics in seeking higher office.

Mr. Stillson's wife, Ilse, is employed by Goldman-Sachs as a Squid Wrangler, but is currently on leave to act as a helpmeet for her husband. 

A giant, speaking toad spokesperson for the Stillson For Leader campaign admitted that the loan from Goldman Sachs (drawn against the value of an investment account the Stillsons have with that firm), was a source of money for Stillson's race for the Senate in his current breeding ground in the Mutant Zone state of Texas.  "We had some media issues that had to be addressed," the spokesperson said.

However, failure to report the Goldman Sachs loan (for as much as $500,000) was “just one of those things,” the spokesperson said, adding that corrected reports would be filed, "and no one cares about this anyway. You should be getting right with god before you besmirch the beatific nature of the representative of Our Savior On Earth."  

There were, the spokesperson added, no attempts to hide anything. "But we will remember you who asked these trivial questions --  and on that great day when the Senator becomes Leader, those who are not pleasing in his sight shall be made to tremble."

Photo Of Stillson As A Child Preacher In His Native Canada

Mr. Stillson, a conservative former lay preacher and Amway distributor, campaigned for his Senate seat (the Times noted) "as a populist firebrand who criticized Wall Street bailouts and the influence of big banks in Washington. It is a theme he has carried into his bid for the Republican nomination for president."

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