Our House Is A Very Very Very Large House

(NYT Chart © 2006; Additions By Steve Barry via TBP, 2010)

A nice graphic (originally authored by Bill Marsh of the New York Times online), provided by The Big Picture, about housing prices in the United States over 120 years.

What does this chart say? That A) Median prices for homes in America skyrocketed, beginning in 1997, relative to the previous 100+ years of housing price data; and B) Why the _______ ____ did that happen?; and finally, C) Whatever the reason (You knew this already), someone was making all kinds of money.

Follow the link and read. You might learn something -- though I'm listening to Bernard Herrmann's soundtrack to the film, "The Five Fingers" right now. Don't bother me unless there's a war. Well, I mean another war.

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The Future (Peasant's Version)

(© Tom Tomorrow, via Salon)

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Pretty Soon It Adds Up To Real Money

(Treemap: David McCandless, Information Is Beautiful)

The good folks at Information Is Beautiful have created an infographic (this particular style of presentation is called a treemap) showing the relative costs and value of things in calendar 2009.

(If you're a real infoporn Wonk -- god knows, I love you as only a Dog can. Go right here and connect with a spreadsheet that has all the Costing Subjects, Sourcing for each dollar amount, and of course the data. Splice and Dice! Woo Hoo!)

The top section shows such items as the annual Defense budget of the United States; the market value of Apple; the earnings made by OPEC nations from sale of their oil; the amount that Little Bernie Madoff took from his clients; and the amount men spent on ED drugs in America.

(Oh, and the full cost of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, so far [as of 2009]. Remember when we were told by Lil' Boots and his BFFs that it was all good, and would all be very cheap (few dollars, few lives), and besides, you can't put a price tag on Freedom? Good Times...)

The lower section, all one color, shows the worldwide cost (as of 2009 -- remember, there's been lots more fun since then) of the "Made-In-USA" worldwide financial crisis.

Hey -- enjoy!

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Tickle Me Hellmo (Clean American Version)

You Can't See The Sky From There, Ya Little Freak!!

This is for my friend Kim, who enjoys Elmo as much as I do.

Look, boys 'n girls: I've watched Elmo. When this little dude is in his 'room' -- is he actually in a room? No. It's a series of crayon drawings -- as if they were just figments of that plush red-orange paranoid-schizophrenic's imagination.

Occasionally, there's an actual piece of furniture; but when he takes us to his 'computer' (another crayon drawing), and ties to operate it... aw, C'mon. He's been drinking Sterno, or doing PCP. And look at the things he talks to. You think they actually exist?

And then there's all that crazy stuff he comes out with; it's like he ate a copy of Gravity's Rainbow or something. Where does he get that? And that affected, high-pitched laugh? Creeps me out.

Better be happy Elmo isn't running the country -- but, given the state of things, who can tell?

In another work life, I would have watched him wind himself up and run for about thirty seconds, before I went to a pat search -- that's all the Probable Cause I'd need. Little freak has H&S Code violation written all over him. He's got a plastic bag of Meth in his pocket (assuming he has one); I know it...

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The Afghanistan Papers

There are two main stories in the New York Times today which are important enough to spend time reading, and considering: The first is Pakistan Aids Insurgency in Afghanistan, Reports Assert; and the second, Inside the Fog of War: Reports From the Ground in Afghanistan.

Both NYT reports are the result of approximately 90,000 items of classified material (roughly, two hundred thousand pages) about America's war in Afghanistan -- documentation made available through Wikileaks, the accountability organization based in Sweden. As the NYT reported, it was given access, along with the UK Guardian and the German magazine Der Spiegel, to the records several weeks ago on condition that they not publish any articles about them before today.

The Guardian referred to the release as "a devastating portrait of the failing war in Afghanistan, revealing how coalition forces have killed hundreds of civilians in unreported incidents, Taliban attacks have soared and NATO commanders fear neighboring Pakistan and Iran are fueling the insurgency."

Man; tell us something we didn't know, already.

But, before you start yawning and click away to eBay or Amazon -- this event is extremely important. What the meaning of 'National Security' truly is; how our country has remained willfully ignorant and apathetic about what has been happening in West Asia since 2001; and how governments manipulate public opinion and hide the effects of policy and strategy are only a few of the reasons.

Wikileak's release, which covers the period 2004 - 2009, is easily comparable to that of the Pentagon Papers in 1971, which revealed parts of the secret history of the Vietnam war.

Glenn Greenwald at Salon notes that

The White House has swiftly vowed to continue the war and predictably condemned WikiLeaks rather harshly. It will be most interesting to see how many Democrats -- who claim to find Daniel Ellsberg heroic and the Pentagon Papers leak to be unambiguously justified -- follow the White House's lead in that regard... It's not difficult to foresee, as Atrios predicted, that media "coverage of [the] latest [leak] will be about whether or not it should have been published," rather than about what these documents reveal about the war effort and the government and military leaders prosecuting it...

Note how obviously lame is the White House's prime tactic thus far for dismissing the importance of the leak: that the documents only go through December, 2009, the month when Obama ordered his "surge," as though that timeline leaves these documents without any current relevance. The Pentagon Papers only went up through 1968 and were not released until 3 years later (in 1971), yet having the public behold the dishonesty about the war had a significant effect on public opinion, as well as their willingness to trust future government pronouncements. At the very least, it's difficult to imagine this leak not having the same effect. Then again... it's possible that the public will remain largely apathetic ...

The first story details something anyone with half a brain who had been paying attention to events in West Asia since 1998 or so would know -- that Pakistan's intelligence service, the ISI, operated by the Pakistani military, had been secretly supporting the Taliban by providing active intelligence against American forces for almost a decade.

The ISI has also been implicated in assisting Pakistan's Dr. Strangelove, A.Q. Khan, to disseminate nuclear weapons technology to North Korea, Libya, and god knows where else.

The second story covers a five-year period of the Afghan war, from 2004 until December, 2009. The image is of a war that was essentially ignored by the Bush administration, run on a shoestring, and all but 'set up to fail'; promising the Kharzai government support in Afghanistan (which we never delivered), and ignoring the Islamic radical elements of the Musharraf regime in Pakistan. Lil' Boots believed the war in Iraq would end and the nation stabilized shortly after the March, 2003 invasion, and then the United States would mop up the Taliban and Al-Qaeda.

What happened instead was an utter and complete EPIC FAIL, like something out of Tolkein or Tolstoy. Iraq turned into a quagmire. In Afghanistan and Pakistan, through the labyrinthine nature of West Asian cultures (more about tribal and clan relationships than Western-style politics), the U.S. was subjected to manipulation and deceit by multiple levels of both country's military and political power structures.

It involved not only those countries, but the larger Arabic world, and Iran, and became the 'Death Of A Thousand Cuts' for the United States that's still going on. The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend, in the Muslim world; think of the scenes of the Arab Council, tribes arguing over how Damascus will be governed, at the end of Lawrence Of Arabia.

On one level, we could say that George W. Bush and his pals just... made a bad call when they decided (not even a whole day after Lil' Boots was given his play-inauguration for his make-believe presidency) to invade Iraq. That even after September 11th, and the invasion of Afghanistan, when common sense dictated ignoring Iraq, and destroying Al-Qaeda in the mountains of Tora Bora and the Taliban elsewhere ... they decided not to do that.

On another level, as I've mentioned before, this was a strategic mistake on the order of diverting the 6th Army to take Stalingrad. If an American city is ever lost to an Al-Qaeda-created dirty bomb or worse, it will be on the head of Lil' Boots and his Bright Stars: Oh, well; hey; My Bad! YAAA-HOO! Let's be lovin' some freedom, huh? YAAA-HOO!

What does all this mean for Wikileaks? The organization's directors and membership is essentially anonymous, though it does have public spokespersons -- the most well-known being Julian Assinge, Wikileak's Editor-In-Chief. Hosted through servers in Sweden which allow Wikileaks anonymity and a high level of security, it has been severely criticized by the Obama administration, and in all probability subject to scrutiny by intelligence agencies (and, probably, corporate intelligence groups).

"In August 2009 Kaupthing, a large bank [in Iceland, notes Wikipedia], succeeded in obtaining a court order gagging Iceland’s national broadcaster, RUV, from broadcasting a risk analysis report showing the bank's substantial exposure to debt default risk. This information had been leaked by a whistleblower to Wikileaks... Citizens of Iceland felt outraged that RUV was prevented from broadcasting news of relevance.

"Therefore, Wikileaks has been credited with inspiring the Icelandic Modern Media Initiative, a bill meant to reclaim Iceland's 2007 Reporters Sans Frontieres ranking as first in the world for free speech. It aims to enact a range of protections for sources, journalists, and publishers."

It may not be a good idea to reveal intelligence or proprietary information on public forums. However, governments or corporations appear to make decisions regularly which affect the life of citizens or consumers, and keep information pertaining to those decisions secret. When The Powers That Be eliminate transparency and public review, public debate, about things which affect us, it's just another way of saying Government is too important to be left to the Peasants citizens which it is supposed to serve.

If Wikileaks were just a bunch of twentysomething anarchist hackers, it could be presented by our government and others as something that could be ignored; a fringe anomaly. But it isn't.

And yes, all this will be on the final.

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Daniel Schorr (1916 – 2010)

Daniel Louis Schorr (August 31, 1916 – July 23, 2010)

To say that no one will be able to fill Daniel Louis Schorr's place; that today's journalists are, by comparison, people with poor cognitive and analytical abilities, brightly capped teeth, and will blow goats for (a ridiculously low sum of) money... Well, it sounds as if I'm one of those guys -- you know; old, squinting, balding white hair, stooped over a walker; yelling at the neighborhood children: Get Off My Damn Lawn, Ya Goddam Kids!

I'm not. I do remember Schorr as the reporter for CBS News who had developed a strong reputation as an insightful and analytical truth-teller, if not one with a deeply ironic sense of humor. I vaugely remember CBS executives (according to Wikipedia) being angry after Schorr (incorrectly) reported in 1964 that the openly-professed Right-wing GOP nominee for President, Barry Goldwater, was going to "travel to Germany to join-up with the right-wing there," and visit "Hitler's one-time stomping ground" in Berchestgaden.

In 1971, after a dispute with White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John Erlichman, Schorr's friends, neighbors, and co-workers were questioned by the FBI (still run then by J.Edgar Hoover) in a full-scale background investigation. The cover story was that Schorr was under consideration for a high-level government position, which was a lie. During the Watergate hearings, Schorr read Nixon's "Enemies List" list aloud on live TV, and was surprised to find his own name on it. Schorr won Emmys for news reporting in 1972, 1973, and 1974.

However, in 1976 Schorr provoked controversy within CBS when he received and made public the contents of the secret Pike Committee report on illegal CIA and FBI activities during the 1960's and 1970's -- which included illegal spying on American citizens, 'black-bag' jobs and intimidation; and the CIA's infamous Phoenix Program of targeted assassination in Southeast Asia.

Called to testify before Congress, Schorr refused to identify his source on First Amendment grounds, risking imprisonment. While he did not go to jail, executives at CBS wanted him gone -- and Schorr ultimately resigned at age sixty in September of 1976.

In 1979, Ted Turner's cable news CNN, a brand-new concept in American media, hired its first on-camera employee -- Daniel Schorr, who reported news and delivered commentary and news analysis. His contract was not renewed in 1985, one of the two times he stated he had been fired (the other being at CBS in 1976). After that, Schorr moved to National Public Radio as its Senior News Analyst, a position he held for almost twenty-five years until he died today.

Listening to Schorr tell listeners in his slightly froggy, gravelly voice (a cross between a university professor's and a psychoanalyst's) what was what, who was to blame, and what the likely outcomes were in the more serious issues of the day.

Because of his background, I trusted him -- he did what truth-tellers are supposed to do, and was willing to take risks to bring the truth to light. And you knew he was telling the truth, because (like Walter Cronkite, another CBS journalist from the same generation) Schorr never truly exploited his own reputation as a competent professional. He simply reported facts that the three-ring circus media now ignores, or immediately gives a Rightist spin. I looked forward to hearing what he had to say: Oh yeah; Daniel Schorr -- okay, let's listen; what does he think about this?

And if they were uncomfortable facts; if they gave people living in a Republic too much information about what goes on behind the curtains of power... well, too bad. People who don't want to know can always watch the Little Rupert Fun Bundist Network, and get the Võlkischer Beobachter perspective on our times.

It's incredibly validating, empowering, to have someone in an officially-recognized role in the culture saying what many of us recognize but don't believe we have the credibility to say out loud -- because, who the hell are we; and who listens to what we say (as a Dog, I get that all the time).

In ancient cultures, Oracles were given a special place as divinators of the will of the gods, and the meaning of signs or times of apparent miracles and curses -- and where such "interesting times" might take us. The best of them told the truth; the worst used their positions to feed their own vanities and give them more personal influence.

Dan Schorr was clearly among the former -- just as clearly as the Hannitys and Becks and Lard Boys, the bright and happy know-nothing talking heads which bring us the nightly, corporate consensus that passes for news are clumped among the latter. I'll miss him.

And, get off my teevee, ya goddam kids.

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Look Up, Not Down

(Photo: AFP / Getty Images)

The Summer Solstice at Stonehenge, June 21, 2010.

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More Fun For You

A self-explanatory graphic, courtesy of The Wall Street Cheat Sheet, regarding business closings across the United States since The Crash: Where, but more importantly, why...

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Run For Your F______ Lives

This little video has been making the rounds:



It was made by those Grand Folks at The Onion, and purports to be a member of Congress reading a law which allows bizarre forms of martial law in the case of a Classified virus outbreak leading to [Classified] and eating of human brains [Classified].

Aside from the reminder that we're always one announcement away from a christian fundamentalist theocracy that would make Ceauşescu's Romania look like Disneyland, I'm almost sorry it's not real because the production values are so high. The actor they hired to portray "Representative John Haller" is spot-on.

Another reason I'm sorry it's not real: Back in my child-time, the original Outer Limits series debuted in 1964. An episode that caught my attention was "The Architects Of Fear", which starred a young Robert Culp (about to hit stardom with Bill Cosby in the teevee series, I Spy) as a scientist-member of a group who believe Earth's warring humans would unite -- if faced with the threat of an alien invasion.

When the group decides they will create their own alien and have it appear with murderous intent, Culp pulls the short straw (literally), and is slowly transformed, physically, into a hideous mound of latex and paper-mache. His mission is to crash-land a spacecraft on the mall in front of the United Nations building and make people believe he is just the first -- sort of an uglier, more ill-tempered Klaatu.


Robert Culp, Hoping For Better Roles, 1964.

Sadly, he misses his mark and ends up crashing in a swamp not far from his own home (What are the odds? Outer Limits was always doing this kind of thing), and his wife rushes to find him... Hey, buy the video if you want to know how it ends.

But, watching The Onion's creation, I begin to wonder if it wouldn't take something like an alien invasion, or a zombie infestation, to get people to pay attention to our common humanity and leave the past behind, or else get eaten. Just Sayin'.

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Salon's Top 10 Internet-Fueled Conspiracy Theories

You Like The Konspiratoria? We Make For You.

By I. Rabschinski

Hokay; Listen what I am telling you: Salon, magazine for Internet I am looking at, has posted article they are calling 'Top Ten Internet-Fueled Conspiracies'.

You should also be paying money to these people. They do The Good. But it is like some much else in The Life: You have the money, you have nice little hot towels with dinner and the better waitress. For Salon, you pay the special membership and you do not see all the Advertising.

I have boil on bottom of foot about advertising on Internet. It is like someone talk behind you at the movies! You want to make empty the container of popcorn, roll cardboard box in tube, and shove tube in place that makes total jerkhead idiot behind you speak language which is not the Human. But, you do this and the Polizia will ask you give them your belt and shoelaces. But.

What the Salon says is Internet was The Good for the Konspiratoria -- you have crazy idea? Good for you. Put on Internet! Proof, you don't need. They are also saying that big-time Konspiratu gets to live again on Internet and never die. Like my Uncle Yehudi, who likes you to hit him with heavy book until he does not stand up. But still we love him.

Well; I am thinking, I have my own idea of The Big Konspiratu, and also thinking I would tell you, maybe, because this is new week to make working, and is mid-cykle election thing ho boy I don't care, and second decade of new Century, and time to wash clothing also. What else we going to do? Win Lotto? Work with actual adult thinking guy? Believe me; this is not your fate in the life.

So, listen up, Bubchick: here is being The Big Konspiratoriskaya. All for you. Read; you will learn things. Or, maybe not learning; I don't care.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 1:
Assassination Of The JFK, November 22, 1963


John F. Kennedy, Tells Assassins: Shoot, And You Get Bush Guy
(Original Photo: Reuters)

This is big, big, big Konspiratorskaya. This is like Juice Glass Of The Jesus Guy for the people looking in the Konspiracy, you know?

Basically, everybody knows of this unless they are dead or from the Uzbekistan (Also couple guys from the Moldova who live down street to me, but to be fair I am thinking they might know): Amerikanyets Guy, President Kennedy Guy -- Goot Guy; Nize Guy -- is travelling to the Dallas of Texas and boom boom boom, is dead Guy.

Look, Amerikan people: No way this is happening without lots of people being guilty also. Lots and lots. You are thinking Amerika is this new place, where everything different and is not like the old Europe with powerful Guys who kill the king when they don't like. Amerika is The Good; and everybody gets to drive the Buik, and be eating chicken head on the cob and the Pone of Corn, and be in the Beaver House with the Wally and Wife of the Cleaver and live forever.

Sorry my friend, but No Way is like this. You have been wearing the mustard stain from big non-Kosher hot dog your whole life, and now, rest of the Planet tells you Wake up, idiot! Be Guy -- Don't Be That Guy!. Oh, and there is also no Tooth Fairy or Golem. But I tell you, Amerika is place where they can shoot you if They don't like, even if you are President Guy, and only with big Konspiratu can this happen. More than one guy be killing JFK, you bet.

Everybody on entire planet (except for people I mention) knows big Konspiratu happened to kill this Guy -- but if you are admitting this, and saying Yes! Big Amerikanyets CIA Guys and Big Money Rich People says this guy is dead, so he is. What happens in Amerika? You think Stock Market goes up, maybe? Not even, buddih! People would know U.S.A. history even before 1963 is big sack of bad corn flakes everybody has been forced to eat.

They would feel lied to, like someone is Cheating them for fifty years -- kill President Guy and get away with it. And maybe people decide, then, is time for the Revolutsyia and everything is big mess for like years. Believing me, we know about this.

However, there are people who have made up the Konspiratu of their own about this, understand? They have President Kennedy Guy being killed by the space alien, by the Elvis; or Gremlin From The Kremlin But Coming From The Cuba. The Internets make it possible you can read any of these, but don't waste time -- I can show you who is second gun guy from Grassy Hill Place. Look:


Total Honest Untouching The Photo Of Grassy Hill Place
Immediately After Boom Boom In The Dallas, Texas, 1963

See? Now there is whole new Konspiracy, with JFK Guy killed by fake advertising food selling Guy. And that is how Internets work.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 2:
Amerikanyets Guys Go To Place Of Moon, July, 1969


So You Want To Go To Moon, Or Maybe Warehouse In The Ohio --
Neil Armstrong Guy And Actual Flag He Takes To Moon
(Original Photo: NASA)

This Konspiratu is like piece of truth, and big crap taken by donkey; understand what I am saying?

So, like in summertime these Amerikanyets Astronaut Guys get in big tube, and are travelling to actual Moon. When they are going there, they land and shake the hand and maybe sleep, maybe go to bathroom and read the newspaper. Then, two of Astronaut Guy get out, and are stepping down to Moon, while third Guy stays in the tube with microphone turned off so entire planet does not hear him crying like small girl.

So the first Guy walking on actual Moon, Astronaut Neil Armstrong Guy ("This is being little walk for human, and big marathon type thing for everybody; okay"), is also member of the Masonic Guys, being this secret club -- like having subscription to magazine of the special porno, or having the black Amerikanyets Express card and sitting in The Good Chairs at airport. And, this Neil Armstrong brings with him to Moon a flag of these Masonic Guys, and he puts it up on Moon also. Then, he folds up and brings back for his pals, who make big dinner and give him the secret head-rub.

Where is problem? So, he takes flag with big chicken; Mason Guys so happy. So what? Well, Mason Guys are big Konspirator, secret guys who are Kombinator, you know? Guys who have the control of world from the Secret Places. So Neil Armstrong is making the secret claim of Moon for Masonic Guys.

There is also another Konspiratu from before, which is saying Astronaut Guys never go to real actual Moon, that whole thing is put-on, Hollywood Avatar James Cameron kind of thing made in same airport hangar where they keep animal balloon from Macy parade. And -- like always, these people -- they gots plenty of the proof.

Gottenu; Please. I need bucket for the vomiting. These people need to make the life, go on date with girl, or worry about The Global Heating. Even my uncle Yehudi understands that if there is big Konspiratskaya, is not guys with secret head-rub.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 3:
Good-By Super Big 9-11 Buildings In The New York


Wave To Mama: Fake Foto Of The 9-11, All Over Internets

Okay. This is simple, and all people not part of the Al-Kada know this: September the 11, 2001, HAL9000 computer did not go Ape and try to ruin Jupiter mission to meet the big black box that United Nations building came in. Instead bunch of Very Bad Guys who are hating most of Earth get planes and run them into World Trade Center Place. Both places fall down, big big big mess.

Oh, and Small Boots Guy, Bush President, suddenly is big leader with large penis, and soon will invade the Iraq and hoo boy, next thing you know, we are living in Sick Animal Dizneyland with the Sarah Palin and more than 9% unemployment, and Obama President Guy looks like he has Made Sex With The Dog. Or, Screwed Pooch, maybe.

Sadly, that is not the Konspiratu. People on Internets (and that is where this big story is different from other Konspiracy) say that whole thing is fake; World Trade Buildings are wired up with bombs to make collapsing; people on planes were taken to the secret place and nobody has died. And they have all kinds of the video and photos to prove. Lots and lots. However, this proves very little to families of all the people who jumped out of big 9-11 buildings.

Problem -- these Konspiracy people have not gone to bathroom since 2003, and so cannot make clear thinking.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 4:
Current President Guy Is Really Secret Muslim Foreign Guy


(Photo: Productshopnyc)

Hoo Boy: Obama, President Guy Of U.S., is really born in Africa, and there is big covering up of this fact.

So he is an illegal President Guy, and so people playing with teabags and guys who like the gunz can make war on this illegal government Presidental Guy.

My only big surprise is that these people with the gun and playing with their bags are not also somehow claiming also is Konspiratu made by the Jews. But, I am sure, they will be doing this sooner or later. Always, they do.

Please, bring bucket again.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 5:
Big Queen Family Of The Britain Is Murdering Tall Blonde Girl


French Friends Letting Other French Friends Drive Drunk

This one? Simple. Royal Kind Of The England People, like the Tsar before Soviet Guys shot him and threw him into mine shaft (weird, because they are related to Tsar), did not like the Princess Diana, mother of boy who will maybe be King of the England, to be having the bouncy sex with Egyptian Dodi Guy. So, they chase car with her inside and force to crash; boom boom, no more Diana.

Ahh; I have pain in my personal ass with this: Driver of car, French Guy, had sucked up enough alkohol to knock out half of Red Army Chorus and Band (and that is big doing, Buddih, let me tell you). I mean, look: There is all kinds video this French driver Guy doing like Tequila shooters or something before he goes to make driving.

He was driving because he was stupid asshole driver of stupid rich Guy, and crashed because he was drunk like three guys. Simple, but sad also.

But sometime you know, simple is what you get. Not big Konspiacy.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 6:
Gremlins From Da Kremlin



You know, everybody wants the Aliens. If aliens bring spaceship to some place, and say, 'We must talk to President Guy' -- well, how can life be always the same afterwards? Maybe we get nicer with each other and do not make the Bullshit so often. We ask them nice, "Mister Alien Guy, could you maybe to help us save the Planet from the Global Heating?" And they will say, 'Yes Earth people; we have always like your television'.

Probably, saucers will fly from my butt before that will happen. More, I think, maybe we just try and kill Aliens because they are not like us -- only after we take from them the Tekno things they have, so we can build death ray to kill all the Enemy, or something. You know how the Earth people are.

But, everybody is agreeing: Aliens have come to this place, and They are like meeting in secret and planning to enslave world -- and there is actual Guy in the England who says all world leaders are really seven-foot-tall Reptilian Alien Guys (Sad Vlad The Putin is Reptile? Yes; this I can believe. Angela Merkle? Viktor Sarkozy Guy? Ha ha ha ha; no way, buddih). They give us little bit of the Tekno stuff, and we give them planet -- and they have known all of this since the Roswell.

This is the other Jesus Juice Glass for the Konspiratskaya: In some time the 1947, New Mexico place in U.S.A., alien flying saucer is crashing on land of some ranch Guy near little town of Roswell. There is Air Force of the U.S.A. base not far away, and they come to look. And they take pieces of spaceship -- one Air Force Guy takes them to his house, and his son remembers things about them. Air Force Guys even tell local reporting newspaper Guy from the Roswell about "Flying Saucer" crashing.

Also, there were the dead aliens. Maybe one, maybe three; also story that another one is still alive when they find. But they are what everybody like to call now The Greys -- little grey bodies with big head and big black eyes like Trick Owl From The Bad Film.

This is kind of like any of the Konspiracy -- you want, you don't want. Depends on how bad you wish to believe about aliens.

I ask my uncle Yehudi about Aliens. You think? I ask him. He says, "It explains why the civilization of Humans has become bad after canceling television show, 'The Mister Ed'" But wait -- this happens forty years ago, I tell him. "Exactly!" he says.


Wilbur Channels The Bob Newheart: Uncle Yehudi Likes
(Photo: The Weekly Telegraph Online)

And -- the U.S. of A. Air Force waits thirty kind of years to release report which says, Hey, this was only big weather balloon (funny; this is exactly what they say in the 1947) -- but was part of secret project to do something to Soviet people. I am thinking this smells like bad food or good cheese. Whole thing, all this Tsursis, for weather ballooning? For Cold War Good Red Is Dead Red kind of time?

Maybe. Me, I'm still kind of wondering so much. One thing I tell you: Those lights that make funny kind of hovering flying around, where people can see? Coming from the Area 51? The Tekno in those flying kind of things comes from the someplace. I am thinking not Odessa.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 7:
We Gots Lot Of Oil -- AHH! No, We Don't


The Peak Oil: Walking Is Good For You
(Photo: The Big Picture, 2008)

There is theory, saying that oil -- made from retired dinosaurs who gave their lives for world auto industry -- is going away. You know that place, when you drink the really good milkshake, like Malted (Oh, the creamy; so good. You want one. Go, now); and there is this moment when you realize more than half this Malted is gone?

And you can imagine what it will be like when you have sucked up all this Malted and there is no more? And all The Good, the creamy, is just memory? So it gets hard to enjoy last half of Malted when you realize it cannot be Malted Milk forever?

This is what is the Peak Oil. Is truth? Is made-up story by Big Oil Companies? What; you think I am knowing this? Eat your lunch and shut up.

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Big Konspiratoriskaya Theory Nr. 8:
You Make Money From This Jesus Guy? Goot Boy; Nize Boy


Code Brown! (Photo: Reuters / Alessia Pierdomenico via Salon)

This one is good one, the Konspiratu, because it makes the Konspiracy inside other Konspiracy. You cannot prove one without prove the other. Tricky!

Okay; Long time ago, in the galaxy far, far in some other plaze, there was this Jesus Guy. Not The Messiah, but probably way up there. And as the usual, add bunch of arabs, and Romans, plus the Politik (always, the f______ politik), and boom boom boom, Jesus Guy gets crucified. Or maybe not. And he maybe had girlfriend who had been the Big-Time Ho. Or maybe not. And she is being pregnant, and goes on big boat to South of France (very Nize For Her, the vacation), where is born Son Of The Jesus™.

(I am waiting for movie version: Son Of The Jesus: Part III -- The Revenge. Better than "Despicable Me!" I would bet.)

So, this is big-time secret. If true, then whole christian religion thing starts to look like just Business thing cooked up to make the power and little German guys get to wear the special white Yarmulke of the Pope Guy. More bad bags of the corn flakes we are forced to eat, I am thinking.

So couple British Guy write book in 1980's about this big secret -- later, other people show is put-on, but for a while, these Guys make the money. Then comes this Dan Brown Guy, who writes like the smell from tail of Donkey, this other book, The DaVinci Code, which is like the big-seller and makes him richer than J.K. Rowling, even. Then there is movie with the Tom Hanks, who has lost hair and makes the fat now.

Only Konspiratu here is the one made by the Dan Brown and people who print his books -- is conspiracy to take your money, give you handfull of crap; joke is on you, Clown-Boy. Dan Brown Guy gets lots of money, and in ten years his books is taking up space in the landfill in Singapore.

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The rest of the Konspiratskaya I will be adding shortly.

I, Rabschinski, say this -- to Moldavish Guy; you also.

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